If you ask us, THON just isn’t THON-themed enough.

That’s right. THON is missing a chance to become even more THON-y. How can it pull this off, you ask? By playing music with the word “THON” in it.

We understand finding all those songs is a lot of work for whoever’s on aux in the Bryce Jordan Center, so we took the liberty of finding the biggest hits with the word “THON” in them.

Writer’s note: Apparently, the word “thon” means slim in Vietnamese and “tuna” in French. Due to a general distrust of Google Translate, non-English music was not referenced here.

‘Thon Maker’: Val Jester

If Onward State had a nickel for every time we wrote about South Sudanese basketball player Thon Maker during THON 2025, we’d have two nickels.

Topping our list is “Thon Maker” by Val Jester, an apparent avid fan with a deep appreciation for ball. Jester wrote a whole song about Maker, which means he basically wrote about THON. What else is better than that?

‘Stash House’: Gucci Mane

In the song “Stash House,” Gucci Mane refers to himself as a walking trap-a-thon. Surely, Mr. Mane is trapping peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the dancers on the floor.

‘Puppet’: Tyler, The Creator

While “Puppet” is a pretty sad song, “Igor” is a pretty sweet album, and we couldn’t leave such great art off of this list. We aren’t sure when THON would want to play this song about being trapped in a relationship with someone else who doesn’t care about you, but it needs to fit the phrase “A to Z, nah son, I’m gonna take a breather // Run a ‘thon, I just stop and I’ma take the breather” somewhere into its DJ sets.

‘Sanary, Le Roi Des Poissons’: Laids Crétins Des Alpes

OK, we said no non-English songs, but the lyrics on this one were interesting enough to run through Google Translate.

Apparently, the French line “Sanary, Sanary, sa femme c’est un thon” translates to “Sanary, Sanary, his wife is a tuna,” which is just pretty dang awesome. It had to make the list.

‘More Rhymin’: MF DOOM

Any list about music without MF DOOM on it is not a list about music.

The late great DOOM wrote the line, “The Black McCain campaign negative debate-a-thon //
Gone wrong on a song.” Literally, what could that mean? It’s so sick.