I think this article may have come too late. It’s already cold. Pennsylvania winter is already all over the place, and the walkable State College we know has disappeared, with all signs pointing towards a return in May. 

Even so, I think this guide may help someone, so it’s worth writing. When half the sidewalks are covered in ice, tufts of snow cover the formerly green lawns, and the violent winds cut into any exposed skin, what is there to do but hibernate? 

As an avid hibernator, even when it’s warm outside, I’ve gathered quite a few tips and tricks. Remember the bear— a mammal famed for its hibernating prowess. Take notes, people. 

Preparations

It may seem cold now, especially since the first snow, but knowing Pennsylvania, it’s only going to get worse. Winds will pick up to record-breaking speeds, and we’ll end up happy to see a temperature in the teens. So get out now, before it really stinks. 

In bears, this phase is called “hyperphagia,” or something like over-hunger. In the months before hibernation, bears begin to eat significantly more food than normal, bulking up energy to hold them over during their long sleep. We may still need to eat, but we can certainly stock up. 

Get in the mindset of a prime COVID-era shopper. Hit places with everything, and lots of it. If you — or a kind friend — have a Sam’s Club membership, that’s stop number one. Target and Walmart are also great options. 

What are we looking for? Everything you need for the day-to-day. Toilet paper, paper towels, soap (all kinds, or some multi-use stuff if you’re really committed), and really anything else you think you might need. Get out of bed and run through your apartment. Before leaving, make a checklist of everything that could run out. 

Of course, I haven’t mentioned food. The most important part of preparations. Depending on how long you plan to stay cooped up, non-perishables might be the way to go. The classic college meal of Ramen is a no-brainer, but frozen meals could work too. Amazon has crazy discounts on bulk Ramen, though, so that works too. 

Don’t get any big ideas in this phase. No, you’re not going to cook five-star meals every night. Be wary of the size of your apartment. If you’re going to run out of space, it may be better to just leave it on the shelf. 

Avoiding Responsibilities

Now that you’re cooped up and cozy, there’s always going to be something trying to pull you back out. This is an unavoidable fact of life. Not everyone understands that it’s chilly outside. 

In some cases, you can just go AWOL. I won’t judge. But responsibilities have a way of creeping up on you, and hibernation crabbiness shouldn’t ruin your life in the warmth. 

Jobs and school are the two tough ones. If you have a job, I am sorry, I have nothing to help short of quitting. But hey, if you drive there, it’s probably fine, right? Classes with required attendance are also tough ones, and I don’t condone doctored excuses more than twice in a row. Luckily, the age of the internet has blessed us with mostly online classwork, and COVID has blessed us with required online options. So, if you’re lucky enough to have a professor who posts materials online, I congratulate you. You’re in the clear. 

Staying Sane

As “The Shining” taught us so well, cooping up in one place for extended periods of time can prove deadly. Jack Torrance was in a massive hotel. Imagine what’ll happen in a two-bedroom apartment. 

Distractions are the easiest fix here, but diversity is key. You can’t play the same game on your phone all winter; you’ll go insane within the first week. Human contact is also great, though if it’s a roommate, it might have the reverse effect after a while. Find friends who wear shorts in the winter; they’re a safe bet. 

Rationing

This is probably the most vital part of our hibernation. Unlike bears, we can’t eat a bunch of food and let it ride for a month; we need constant food. And beyond that, the supplies we picked up before may run out earlier than expected. We must stay vigilant. 

Staying at home for long periods of time may also cause people to use up these resources more quickly than normal, which we must avoid. Snacking and paper-towel usage are difficult to combat, but with a strong enough resolve, it is possible. 

Keep a stock of everything as well. If a resource diminishes, you must catch it before it’s too late. The earlier, the better. You can begin slow usage of whatever it is (hopefully not food), and it may remove the need for a trip outside. And nobody wants that, do they? 

If You Must Leave

If you ignored my previous warnings, I get it. It’s hard to stay home this long and not mess up somewhere. There are still ways we can survive, even just barely. 

First, like before, make lists. You need to know exactly what you need to avoid making unnecessary detours or trips. 

If at all possible, use DoorDash or one of those things. They do groceries now, so leaving might not be necessary. 

Otherwise, try to find someone with a car. Driving yourself is naturally a good option, but if you get a ride, they have to start the car, brush off the snow, and sit in the cold until the heat kicks in. I recommend a good car trouble excuse – my car’s old, can’t start in the cold. Something like that. 

If walking is your only option, I’m sorry, but it’s not going to be pretty. Target or either McLanahan’s are safe bet, and if not, a convenience store. You can check on Target’s website if things are in stock, which may be the easiest of the three. 

Of course, you may just need to leave for class or work. Work, I’m sorry, but class I can handle. Campus is wonderful for this kind of thing, since every building is obnoxiously large and has like ten entrances. Plan your route accordingly, cutting through as many buildings as you feel necessary. Even if a building makes the route a bit longer, it’s always a bonus. 

Conclusion

Stay safe out there, everyone. You won’t be seeing me on the streets. As I’m typing, I’ve begun my hibernation and won’t resurface until I see some sun.