Brainstorming Penn State Fantasy Football Punishments

The fantasy football regular season has come to an end. For most people in your league, this is not the end of the world, but for that one leaguemate who finds himself in that dead last position, it just might be.
In case you aren’t aware, it is common practice for the member who finishes last in a fantasy football league to endure a “punishment.” It’s an effective way to incentivize members not to give up even if their team is performing poorly. While most leagues decide on a punishment at the beginning of the season, some leave that decision for later.
In case your league falls under that second category, we’ve got you covered with some hilarious, non-harmful punishments you can terrorize your last-place member with right here in Happy Valley!
‘We Are!’ Chant On HUB Stairs
Who doesn’t love a good humiliation ritual? Sending the last-placer up to the top of the iconic HUB staircase to send three “We Are!” chants, followed by a “Thank you!” echoing throughout the ultra-open food court area, is the perfect mix of embarrassment and light-hearted humor. If this isn’t cringe enough, feel free to go full “Impractical Jokers” and utilize the social sandbox that is the HUB by sending your last-place finisher on random interactions with unsuspecting students. Just keep it respectful.
Eat An Entire Benny Leone’s Pizza
At first, this might not seem like a punishment. Who doesn’t love pizza? Especially a big ‘ole slice from Benny Leone’s. However, a whole pie from State College’s newest pizza place is an absurd 28 inches in diameter. After two or three slices, the last-place finisher’s stomach is bound to be at max capacity. Too bad! They have to keep eating until each slice is gone, or until the food coma kicks in, I suppose.
Close Down The Lion’s Den
Everyone’s favorite downtown bar, the Lion’s Den, opens at 9 p.m. sharp and typically turns the unforgiving lights on around 2 a.m., sending those bold enough to stay until closing hour scurrying out of the singular exit door like cockroaches on the kitchen floor. For this punishment, the last-place finisher must get in line at 9 p.m. and stay until the closing lights flick on. Hey, at least dancing makes time go faster!
Never-Ending White Loop Journey
This one is pretty brutal if you are a habitual doom-scroller that needs constant stimulation. The last-place finisher must board Penn State’s most well-known form of public transportation for 10 minutes per regular-season loss they accumulated. So if the loser finished with a record of 5-9, they must take a 90-minute ride around campus and downtown. To dogpile on top of that, there are no headphones or devices allowed. Just you and your mind, so you can think about how much you regret drafting Justin Jefferson as you dramatically stare out of the window of the Whoop.
Eat Your Way To Freedom At The Waffle Shop Downtown
Buckle up, or rather, unbuckle your pants, because this punishment is another caloric catastrophe for your league’s loser. The last-place finisher must stay inside the Waffle Shop Downtown from open to closing hours, which is 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. However, unlike the other punishments listed, there is a way to reduce your sentence. For every waffle the victim eats, an hour is deducted. Meaning if the loser can put down seven waffles, they can leave. Maybe go easy on the syrup, though…
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