THON is in full swing, and it can be a challenge. The event is a challenge not only for the dancers, but for everyone attending longer than a pop-in. Cabin fever is real and comes up on you with little warning, and (so I’m told) you won’t even feel it coming. Probably because you’d be insane.

Lucky for you, we have compiled a handful of tips and tricks that will keep your mind sharp and your dominant hand away from any sharp objects this THON.

Why Sanity Is So Important

This may seem like a no-brainer, but with insanity, your brain is the first thing to go. That’s not good. By going insane, your mind takes you on a trip to somewhere you don’t want to go — think Cleveland, but worse. Something like what that Dante guy was talking about.

Not only can it cause you discomfort, but insanity may lead to hurting those around you. Look at The Shining. Want to end up like that guy? We don’t think so.

Simple Tips

If you start to feel a little stir-crazy, don’t panic. Seriously, that’s kerosene on the dumpster fire. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. In for four counts, out for eight. Relax your body. Don’t fall asleep, though. Just relax.

Think happy thoughts. Don’t think about the time, how long you have left, the smog, how tired you are, your bed, comfort, school on Monday, the outside world, and definitely don’t think about anything dangerous.

Enjoy the festivities. Listen to the music, dance the line dances. Be in the moment a little bit, and you’ll feel better.

Maintain Zen

If that’s not doing anything for you, damn. Big guns are being taken out. I hear meditation can be a calming experience. It may be difficult to find a peaceful spot for this, but if you’re patient, post up in one of the stalls and chant your mantra. If anyone complains because you’re in there too long, too bad for them — they don’t know what’s at stake here!

In the stands, find your personal space. Shove your neighbors if you have to. They don’t need their personal space; you do! I recommend a solid five-foot bubble in all directions.

Look inwards for a moment. Use your mind’s eye (if you have one). Imagine a wide field of tall grass and softly rolling hills. Maybe a nice quiet stream weaving through the valleys, maybe a few fish speeding through. Birds chirping, a light breeze. A pleasant smell of some sort. Now, put yourself in there. Frolic a bit. Jump around, I don’t know. This is your fantasy, I’m just helping. If that doesn’t calm you down, well…

Look Outwards For Help

By now, your muscles are probably pretty tense. Get a friend to give you a nice massage. That’d be a good de-stressor, unless they try to get you to return the favor. Avoid that. Try people watching. There are more than enough funny-looking people in the BJC to lighten your mood. Play a game on your phone, but nothing too stressful (absolutely no Clash of any kind).

Call a friend on the outside. At this point, it doesn’t matter what time it is; you need help. If they don’t pick up, it’s very clear they aren’t for the kids. That kind of moral high ground is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I suggest taking it.

Our last suggestion is to just take a look at the dancers. No matter what you’ve got going on, how shaky your little knees are, those guys have it way worse. I guarantee it’ll make you feel better (that guarantee is in no way legally binding).

What To Do If You Do Go Insane

Don’t blame me, for one thing. These are suggestions from a sleep-deprived super senior with diabetes. None of these statements has been vetted, and any inferred use of the scientific method is entirely coincidental.

If you really have let yourself slide into madness, it’s not clear you’d be reading this, and if you are, it’s doubtful that you’re listening. So, I guess, let it go. Be crazy.