Penn State Signs Contract With Coca-Cola

Penn Staters, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. We’ve suffered for years and years being a Pepsi school, and finally, our prayers have been answered.
This past week, Penn State signed a 10-year, $18 million contract with Coca-Cola, making it the new provider of soft drinks on campus. This decision was influenced by Penn State’s belief that Coca-Cola aligns more closely with the university’s values compared to prior brands like Pepsi. Penn State noted that Coca-Cola offers a broad range of products, including a wide variety of flavors.
Various popular Coca-Cola products will be available in vending machines and self-serve fountains by the middle of April. Students should expect Coca-Cola to be provided in places like the HUB, dining halls, and popular common areas. Eating at the HUB? Grab a cherry-vanilla Coke. Walking through Findlay Commons? Stop by the market and grab a Diet Coke.
YikYak has been the focal point for students’ anonymous posts expressing hatred toward Pepsi products at Penn State. Students have mentioned that they hate the taste of Pepsi and how upset they are about not being able to share a Coke with a friend. With the warm weather sneaking up on us, this will be the perfect time of year for Penn State to give us Coca-Cola.
Penn State’s President, Neeli Bendapudi, mentioned that “this is what Penn State Students needed. We are only going up from here.”
A beautiful statement from Bendapudi, folks. Penn Staters, get excited, as the fight is finally over. Welcome to paradise.
Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.
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