Victoria, We’ve Got Our Own Secret

Given what November has been like, last night was pretty usual. I covered a panel discussing the scandal, then I picked up D.P. Dough on the way home. I got home around 10:15 p.m., and, like millions of other American men, I flipped on the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. I sat down, started watching, and opened up my computer.

About 30 seconds in, I saw one girl and thought, “Wow! She’s really… skinny.” She wasn’t the only one. I kept thinking, “She’d be much more attractive if you put another 15 pounds on her.”

A commercial break allowed me to check my social media streams. I was pretty shocked at what girls were posting/tweeting:

“BRB, starving myself. Thank you, VS fashion show.”
“Victoria secret fashion show = going to throw up to make myself look that good!”
“NEVER. EATING. AGAIN.”
“Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.. now I feel like a whale =[ “

Huh? What the hell? Something is seriously wrong here. I quickly realized that this is a BIG American issue. Young ladies in high school and college are striving to have these razor thin bodies. So I guess my question is, what is the motive? If you think you’re impressing men with a calorie-starved body, I have some bad news: it’s not attractive. I’m sure the male population is behind me when I say that we prefer curves.

A real man just wants a girl to be herself, both physically and socially. We like you for who you are, not for who you aspire to be. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who’s confident and comfortable with who she is. Also, the ability to have an intelligent conversation is much more important than your dress size to us. Believe me when I say that.

Ladies, you may ask, “So, Ryan, what if being myself isn’t good enough for him?” Guess what? He’s not worth a second of your time. Not one second.

With all of that said, I hope that you understand that there’s really no need to strive for that famed “Victoria’s Secret Angel” body (if you already have it, good for you, but there’s no need to make it your aim). The American generalization that you’re not perfect unless you’re 6’1” and 115 pounds is false, shallow, and wrong. You’re perfectly fine as is.

I’m not just saying that, either.

So please, ladies, keep eating. We’ll still love you. Promise.

image Candice Swanepoel

griffter

Metabolisms only exist for girls who are overweight? What? Natural physiology goes both ways. That was extremely rude.
griffter

Just and echo of That’s exactly what he said!!!
griffter

How is it not hypocrytical to tell the thin girls they’re not attractive???
gaby

“She’d be much more attractive if you put another 15 pounds on her.”
“I’m sure the male population is behind me when I say that we prefer curves.”
you think some skinny girls haven’t heard this a lot? do you think that all skinny girls strive for the body they have? I’m underweight(and not by choice!) and cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard this. people who put others down to make them feel better about their own body. Instead of hating on a different type of body how about you start to hate on the media that started body shaming. You don’t know what battles people are fighting on the inside and how many skinny girls YOU have put to shame by writing something like this.
E

“famed “Victoria’s Secret Angel” body (if you already have it, good for you, but there’s no need to make it your aim)”
When the word famed is used it usually (9/10) has a positive conotation. This was a positive message for people who are constantly stressing about their own body image, as well as embracing who they are as individual people. Not everything has a hidden meaning attacking some unknown entity that only your select genius can discover. When people want to know every possible negative aspect of a subject then we will be sure to put you at the top of the consultants list. Till then look at the big picture and think for once in your life…Maybe this isn’t all about me.
a dude

gabby he was talking about girls that are trying to get skinnier when thhey shouldnt. he was not telling skinny girls who have problems with their low weight to give up. he meant be healthy and dont try to be someone else
E

Yes because victoria secrets models are clearly “extremely unattractive, worthless and ugly.” See above article for clarification…Not everything is about you.
gaby

thank you a dude. after posting my comment I re-read the article countless times and I definitely reconsidered what I wrote. There was no deleting it after though (especially after my computer decided to post it 3 times). I’ll be honest, after the reading those 2 sentences that I posted in my comment, I couldn’t even get through to the last paragraph. Then I realized, this Mr. Beclker means no harm. I have also let the media tell me that my body isn’t right. So, Mr. Beckler, I apologize for misconstruing your words and lashing out at you. And thank you a dude for not belittling me.
Anon

As being recovered from an eating disorder, I can USUALLY (with exceptions) tell when a woman’s body is naturally thin, and when she put effort into making it look a certain way…. many of these models have hardly any muscle mass, which is a sign of malnurishment… And, many times, a model is required to have certain measurements….. I do understand that there are girls out there who are strikingly skinny, yet will eat whatever they want (as is one of my closest friends) BUT…. We are all created differently, Ladies! Closing thought: I wonder what these women look like without airbrushed makeup…. the face never hides malnurishment… That’s a sure-fire way to know whether or not these models are healthly.
Michelle

For some reason, everything that is ever written offends someone.
I think your point of view is great, and I appreciate you for honestly saying that being stick-thin is not the only way to be attractive.
Yes, we are preoccupied with looks, and that won’t go away, so being able to look at it in a healthier light is necessary.
Unlike a lot of very insecure people, I can appreciate the fact that you are saying that girls should not be starving themselves to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. I completely agree.

It’s about being healthy, and whether that for you is at 100 or 200 pounds, it does not matter. All sizes can be attractive, but telling the world that you’ll never eat again so you can look like skin-and-bones is not attractive. I wish people could appreciate their own bodies without comparing themselves to who they see on TV.

This is coming from a woman who has always been thin, to be honest. However, I would never try to tell myself I need to be thinner (I definitely don’t look like those models, and have no desire to) or go on an extreme diet if I happen to gain weight. Health is attractive, is the bottom line. If you are naturally thin, no one is saying that you are therefore unattractive. Same goes for having curves…

The article is just trying to honestly say that all sizes can be attractive. No one wants to see you starve yourself. Please be smart and take these refreshing words in a positive way. Just because a man says that he “prefers curves” does NOT mean he looked right at YOU and said you were too skinny and unattractive for anyone to want you.
Bottom line of all of this: respect yourself. Listen to Aretha.
Libby

Thanks so much for writing this! I’m glad to hear a man’s opinion. Seems like all I ever hear are women saying they have to lose weight to attract a man. Maybe that’s not true after all.
Gargoylesama

115 is fine if you are 5’2″ I have a fried that is and still frets at that weight no matter what anyone says. Most of the models from fashion shows fall into my, “yeah, they are cute, but they aren’t what I like” category. I don’t expect anyone that I meet to look anything like them.
MP – Guest

“like millions of other American men, I flipped on the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. I sat down, started watching, and opened up my computer.” and then you go on to say: Huh? What the hell? Something is seriously wrong here – WELL DUHHHH, did you not read what you wrote? millions of American men (including yourself) turned it on – if you wouldn’t turn it on, then woman would strive to be something they are not because men wouldn’t be expecting them too. The something that is seriously wrong here is the fact that YOU and the rest of the millions of American men (or just men in general) look at this stuff all the time, with no thought that someone has to “get that thin” before you turn the channel on…wake up Ryan Beckler, read what you wrote, you are the problem, let it begin with you and see if it changes!!!
KMAF

this article is targeted to young woman who feel the need that they have to loose weight in order to be considered beautiful, woman who are already skinny and read this article and thought it was a put down on your body type really need to get over themselves here. This article isn’t targeted at you, and even so he states there’s nothing wrong if your skinny. READ CLOSER. a lot of you are taking this the wrongest way possible and your making fools out of yourselves. the point is to embrace what you were born with and someone out there will love you because of who you are.
Ryan

Yes.
Kristi

When I was 16, the VS Fashion show aired on television for the first time. I, already skinny and also anorexic, felt hideous. I tape-recorded the show and watched it repeatedly for “thinspiration.” I also poured over the glossy images of super slim women in Vogue and wrote journals reminding myself how fat I was, regardless of my own jutting bones and blue-tinged skin.

Ten years later, I’m a semi-well-adjusted adult, who mostly eats normally, throws up sporadically and will always “feel” fat regardless of what I actually look like. In any event, I think it’s tragic that we live in a society where my relationship with my body is not the exception, but the norm, and ten years later, girls are still going through the same thing. Kind words don’t change anything; they don’t stand a chance against the media onslaught harrowing limitless skinniness that we’re hit with as soon as we’re able to register images.

I don’t believe things will change, but at least we can educate our own daughters as to what is sick and what is natural. And the bodies of models are photoshopped and malnourished beyond anything that is natural.
Kirbie

Thank you for saying this. I’m all about the VS Fashion Show, but I miss when they had the true beauties on there: Tyra, Heidi. They were curvy but still supermodels. Some of these newbies look like 12-year-olds… and I thought the point of modeling lingerie was to show off your breasts and your butt, which none of these women had… minus Miranda Kerr, but she either had some work done, or is a complete freak of nature.
Female on VS

Oh boo hoo skinny girls, we feel so bad for you-not.
Kirbie

Gaby,

I understand your hurt, however, do you realize these women aren’t naturally THAT thin? One model came forward with her diet: nine day of no solid foods, only protein shakes. Then she doesn’t eat or drink anything for 12 hours before the show. It’s not healthy, it’s not normal, and it’s not “natural.” If these women were naturally that thin, that’s one thin, but starving yourself to lose water weight? That’s unnatural.
jb

I think what people are trying to get across is that no one (including men) should have to alter their appearence to a social normal. No matter what you do someone will “find you attractive” and and someone wont, no matter how you look; fat, normal, scrawny, or in between. Everyone has a different “type”. Just saying… not ALL men like skinny with curves.
Anon

Googled this topic, and found this on CNN.com…

“It is important to remember, as with all fashion shows, that what you see on the runway is not what you will see in a store — it’s a projection of desire,” Esquire magazine’s Matt Sullivan said.
These angels aren’t always naturally blessed with the bodies they have. Many of the models follow a strict diet and exercise regimen. Lima admited to The Telegraph that she has been working out with a personal trainer every day since August.
Fast-forward to nine days before the show, and the only thing she eats or drinks are protein shakes made with powdered eggs. Speed up to the final 12 hours, and Lima doesn’t consume a speck of anything — not even water.
“No liquids at all, so you dry out. Sometimes you can lose up to eight pounds just from that,” Lima told The Telegraph.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/25/showbiz/tv/obsessions-victoria-secret-show/index.html

Not healthy. Not natural.
Anon

Googled this topic, and found this on CNN.com…

“It is important to remember, as with all fashion shows, that what you see on the runway is not what you will see in a store — it’s a projection of desire,” Esquire magazine’s Matt Sullivan said.

These angels aren’t always naturally blessed with the bodies they have. Many of the models follow a strict diet and exercise regimen. Lima admited to The Telegraph that she has been working out with a personal trainer every day since August.

Fast-forward to nine days before the show, and the only thing she eats or drinks are protein shakes made with powdered eggs. Speed up to the final 12 hours, and Lima doesn’t consume a speck of anything — not even water.

“No liquids at all, so you dry out. Sometimes you can lose up to eight pounds just from that,” Lima told The Telegraph.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/25/showbiz/tv/obsessions-victoria-secret-show/index.html

Not healthy. Not natural.
haha

you mad fatty? hit the gym.
haha

you can’t photoshop a fashion show. what ryan is saying is just be yourself and be happy with it. some people feel the need to work out and stay fit, others don’t. VS models have a job and they meet requirements to make money. it’s that simple.
haha

None of these women at VS are skin and bones. Maybe one. Rewatch the show.
haha

Get a grip. stop being so insecure. ryan is saying that you SHOULD be comfortable with yourself.
Ali

Miranda Kerr just had a baby, so I think that’s where those new curves came from.
Nick

I totally support self-confidence, but I think we need to be careful. Girls who are obese: you are NOT fine the way you are. I am not saying that because being obese makes you unnatractive, I am saying that because being obese is unhealthy. If you are dangering your health, you are not ok the way you are. You need to be healthy. Health is more important than self confidence.
Anne Marie

You could say the same thing about self-starvation, eating disorders and being underweight. When I was in the midst of my anorexia and bulimia, and severely underweight, my heart was in worse shape than many overweight/obese individuals, and I almost died because of it. You cannot judge health based on the way someone looks on the outside, or by the number on the scale. There is so much more to health than weight. Just keep that in mind.
Rando

Uh I dont think you see what he is getting at here
griffter

Maybe I was trying to make a point that “Ryan” is a douche bag, people.
Alaina

This is a very uplifting post here! And it’s funny you mention how this is a serious issue in America. I’m a psychology student and I am actually preparing to give a presentation on some research I conducted throughout this semester, and it reminds me of the very first research experiment I conducted. It was titled, The Effects of Body Size on Personality. Participants were given the Stunkard body size images (ranged from extremely underweight to extremely overweight) and asked them to rate these images on a list of personality traits based on the OCEAN Big 5.
My results showed that those who were extremely underweight were given the most negative traits. It’s ironic because all of us, men and women, view extremely skinny people negatively, yet many aspire to be like them. How does that even make sense?
It just shows how extreme this issue is in our culture.
michele

sooooo, let’s get married
Penny

thank you!
Jared

While I agree with the general purpose of this article, you seem to be contradicting yourself. First, you say: “I’m sure the male population is behind me when I say that we prefer curves,” then you say ” The American generalization [is] that you’re not perfect unless you’re 6’1” and 115 pounds.”
- Airboss24K
  
  He’s not contradicting himself at all. I think you missed the latter part of that second statement, bud.
Timmy

I never found those super skinny chicks intimidating personally. They look like they can’t do anything. They look like they’d snap in half and if they went for a jog they’d look like a Tim Burton cartoon character
Kate

Gee, thanks for giving me permission to eat. I really needed that. The fact that men supposedly like curves and will love me even if I eat is obviously the sole reason I eat food on a daily basis.
Angry

Yea sorry bro but I don’t need your permission to do anything. If I want to starve myself it’s for myself and if I want to eat its for myself. Men don’t get to give women permission to do anything.
Nope

There’s a reason these girls are used for the fashion shows, because for MOST of the population, these girls ARE more attractive. You’re in a minority by taking this stance in this article, not the majority. I’m not saying girls have to starve themselves, because most of the time that doesn’t even work…but…the skinny girls are more attractive for most people
- x1
  
  You’re pretty young I take it. Take a look at the porn industry and tell me more guys like skinny girls. It’s not very cut and dry.
x1

This article is just another man telling women what men like. How about what women like about their bodies? It’s pretty sad that so many women think that in order to be attractive they need to be a certain way.. be the way you WANT ladies. There is a man out there that will love your body the way it is, I PROMISE YOU, but that doesn’t even matter anyway. I know 200lb+ women that have handsome men CHASING after them, and I know 100lb women that can’t get a guy to glance their way… and vice versa. Sexuality is not static and while media only shows us skinny models, men and women find many different body types attractive. Be happy with yourself and love yourself first and foremost and the rest will follow.
Annoyed

My god. When are you gonna get it though your head! It’s not always about guys. Jesus! It’s about liking they way we look. Not about fucking boys! I’ll starve if I want.
Julie

I personally don’t understand the backlash with this. He’s not “giving permission” as much as he’s just encouraging people to eat. He is 100% right that many girls strive to attain something unrealistic in their body weights. I don’t think he’s trying to dictate what we do or say that we need to eat so that men will like us, he’s trying to help those that feel as though they need to have unhealthy eating habits or exercise routines. I’m confused as to why people are getting mad.
- Kate
  
  People are angry because the focus of this is women trying to look a certain way for men. The writer makes it sound like because men “like women with curves”, it is ok for them to eat. Also, he is saying one type of body (“curvy”) is preferable to men, making it sound like women should look that way because men like it. There is nothing wrong with being thin, fat, or anything in between!