10 Questions With Your Sphincter’s News Feed: @PSUpoops
@PSUpoops twitter account is about exactly what it sounds like: poop. Specifically, the account wants to inform the Penn State community about the best places to do the number two on campus. So, if you are in 3rd grade or are a bro that still has to stifle giggles when anyone mentions the word poop, give them a follow and read on. We sat down (surprisingly not in a bathroom) to ask them 10 questions.
Onward State: What are your views on public defecation?
PSU Poops: Way too cold for that nonsense right now. However, public defecation can be easily avoided by checking @PSUpoops.
OS: What does it mean if your poop is jet black?
PP: If your poop is jet black, according to Yahoo answers, you had too much Pepto Bismol. If you had too much Pepto Bismol that day, I think a jet black poop would be the least of your worries.
OS: What are the acceptable ways to check if a stall is occupied?
PP: If no one is present, it’s acceptable to look under the door and check for feet. But that situation will get real awkward, real quick if somebody walks in on you.
OS: How long is too long to spend taking a shit?
PP: There isn’t a specified time limit to how long you can be on the toilet. How else are you going to check your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Email, and Snapchat? It’s all about the experience.
OS: Is there any possibility of a completely sound-proofed stall on campus in the near future? Just so you can be completely comfortable.
PP: Good question. Sound-proofed stalls is definitely something to bring up to Rodney. An experience like that would only benefit the student body as a whole. However, if you’re looking for a sound proof room, I would go with the toilet in the Maps Room in the Library. It’s the best facility in the library, and you have your own huge private bathroom.
OS: Is the anal fixation stage in the Freudian view the result of parenting (as Freud says) or do some kids just like to poop?
PP: I am not well versed on my Poop Philosophy, but pooping is a passion for some kids.
OS: Why do people keep pooping on the floors in the residence halls?
PP: Lack of knowledge of the best facilities on campus or they were just inspired by the crows.
OS: How do you treat a shy sphincter?
PP: Taco Bell.
OS: Where is the best bathroom on campus?
PP: 4th Floor Life Sciences Building — low traffic, great wifi, and it has a shower.
OS: In Onward State Tradition, if you were a dinosaur what kind of dinosaur would you be?
PP: Pterodactyl — great dinosaur, even better game.