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about 2 years ago
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Top 10 Reasons Why Philadelphia Is Better Than Pittsburgh

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To view the Pittsburgh side of this argument, click here.

If you’ve spent any time on Penn State’s campus, you’ve probably witnessed a Philly/Pittsburgh argument. It’s the most pervasive rivalry on campus, with a tremendous amount of pride instilled in the fans of each city. Thousands of current and former students hail from each respective city. But which is the best? Only a top 10 list can decide.

10. John Cappelletti. Penn State’s lone Heisman Trophy winner was born and raised in my hometown of Upper Darby, PA, roughly 15 minutes away from Center City. Pittsburgh gave us Anthony Morelli. Thanks?

9. The food. I almost feel like it’s unfair to talk about cheesesteaks. In 1952, an art historian asked Pope Pius XII about his favorite works of art. He listed, in order of importance: The cheesesteak, Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel, and The Bible (citation needed). If the combination of fresh Italian bread, beef, and cheese wiz processed by God himself isn’t your thing, you can grab a roast pork sandwich, a hoagie, or some scrapple (if you’re hungover). I guess you could always go to Pittsburgh and get an “Almost Famous” (solid marketing, Primanti Bros.) sandwich. Nothing brings the taste out of assorted meats like three pounds of cole slaw.

8. The Legendary Roots Crew. One of the greatest bands you’ve probably never heard of, The Roots, have been a staple in hip-hop music for over 20 years. I’ll just let this song speak on their behalf. I dare you to find comparable music from Pittsburgh. If you say Mac Miller or Wiz Khalifa, you probably listen to Ke$ha too, and your opinion is invalid.

7. Pittsburgh thinks it’s West Virginia. What’s worse: Living in America’s worst state, or wishing you did?

6. Philadelphia is America’s birthplace. I’m not sure if the history books in Pittsburgh’s schools say anything besides “Yeah? Well, the Steelers have six Super Bowl rings, so…”, so just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about, check this out. In short, without Philadelphia, the United States wouldn’t exist, and neither would Pittsburgh. You can think of us as your stepfather; you don’t have to like us, but you have to respect us.

5. There are 446 bridges in Pittsburgh. There’s only 19 in Philly. Why is this relevant? Well, in his most recent State of the Union Address, Barack Obama (he’s our president, Pittsburgh) said we have 70,000 “structurally deficient” bridges. Most likely, 446 of these deathtraps are in Pittsburgh. By my calculations, you’re 32,512.09% more likely to meet an untimely death in the City of Bridges than the essentially bridge-free Philadelphia.

4. Wawa. If you think Sheetz is better, you’re wrong.

3. The Philadelphia Mummers. If you’re not from the Philly area, you probably have no idea what a ‘mummer’ is. Allow me to elaborate. The mummers are a bunch of people (mostly men) who are so comfortable with themselves that they dress up in 40-pound costumes covered in feathers, glitter, and sequins, and then parade down Broad Street on New Year’s Day. If this isn’t one of the coolest things you’ve ever seen, you’re lying to yourself. Mummery is one of Philadelphia’s oldest traditions. There may or may not be a lot of alcohol involved.

2. Andy Warhol painted a can of soup. And then Pittsburgh named a museum after him. He is to art what Nicki Minaj is to music.

1. This.

Honorable mention: Bill Cosby; Electricity; Try reading The Great Depression: How The Pittsburgh Pirates Became A Minor League Baseball Team without your nightlight; ‘Wooder’; The Sixth Sense; Pittsburgh (at the time, spelled ‘Pittsburg’) spent 20 years fighting the US Board of Geographic Names in order to restore the ‘h’ at the end of Pittsburgh. Yeah, they really didn’t have anything better to do; and lastly, The Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff.

So there’s my list. Did I miss something? Or do you just want to tell me again how many rings the Steelers have? Let me know in the comments section below.

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