It’s no secret that many people question both the quality and motives of The Board of Trustees. They’re supposed to be responsible for the welfare and governance of our University. In light of recent meetings and the upcoming elections, I’ve decided to assemble my own Board of Trustees Dream Team:
Simba got all the glory, but we all know who really ran Pride Rock.
2) Pope Benedict XVI
I hear he has some free time.
3) Anyone who thinks OJ didn’t do it
Hi, Ken Frazier.
4 & 5) Olmec and that creepy guy who hosted Legends of the Hidden Temple
6) Walter White
Phone calls? No… “I am the one who knocks.”
7) Dora the Explorer
Ella tiene una mochila de conversación.
8) Morgan Freeman
If that voice fired me over the phone, I wouldn’t even be mad.
9) Jennifer Lawrence
10) Lady Gaga’s meat dress
Jennifer Lawrence might get hungry. (Yes, that was a Hunger Games joke.)
11) Ari Gold
“I can’t swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.” Sounds about right.
13) Marky Mark
The BoT could use some good vibrations. (Ladies: You’re welcome.)
15) Coach Bombay
He had to deal with knuckle pucks, The Bash Brothers, and Team Iceland.
16) Prof. Sam Richards
“C’s earn degrees…” New Alma Mater lyrics?
18 & 19) Bill Murray and Michael Jordan: Space Jam editions
They’re both incredible on their own, but then they teamed up with Bugs to beat The Monstars. Definitely BoT worthy.
20) Tom Brady
Yeah, he went to Michigan. But look at that hair.
21) Mike the Mailman
22) Mr. Snuffleupagus
Similar to most of the work the current BoT does, he’s imaginary.
23) Michael Mauti
Let’s be honest, he could be President of the United States if he wanted to be.
25) The Willard Preacher’s red hoodie
Con: It can’t talk. Pro: It can’t say anything stupid on behalf of our school.
26) Lucille Bluth
“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”
28) Kid President
29) Blue Ivy Carter
Beyoncé was too predictable to include, but she named her daughter Blue. Future Penn Stater for sure.
30) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I don’t have a good reason besides the man-crush I have on him.
31 & 32) These puppies