Recently, Penn State announced a few new ice cream flavors to be served at the Pennsylvania Inaugural Gala during this Tuesday’s Presidential Inauguration of renowned domestic terrorist and Socialist Barack Hussein O’bama.

These “flavors” are called “BaRocky Road”, “Obama White House”, and “BidenBerry”, each with their own unique ingredients.

So, what are these ingredients? Why were they chosen? Why was “Secretary Spanier Strawberry” given the “cold” shoulder? Will there be more ice cream related puns in this article?

(Credit for the pictures goes to the Department of Public Information.)

Flavor: BaRocky Road
Ingredients: “[A] rocky road or tin roof sundae flavor, vanilla ice cream with chunky add-ins such as peanuts, brownies, candy and chocolate swirl.”

Meaning behind the ingredients?: Clearly, this twist on our favorite Rocky Road  is relevant to the current state of affairs. The rocky road is a reference to the rocky road that we face in current times, what with a faltering economy, wars abroad, and a possible Creed reunion in the works.

The tin roof is a modified “glass ceiling”, broken by our savior Obama in his election to the highest office in the country. Peanuts, brownies, candy, and chocolate swirl all represent the diverse population of our great nation, and how we must all work in conjunction to create the best country (ice cream) possible. An excellent choice from our Ice Cream Overlords.

Flavor: Obama White House
Ingredients: “vanilla ice cream with maraschino cherries.”

Meaning behind the ingredients?: This flavor’s meaning is a little harder to swallow (figuratively, not literally. I bet it’s very easy to swallow IRL). The maraschino cherries have a dual meaning. First, their size, color, and scattering represent the troubled Republican Party in America. Their taste, however, is very sweet. It is obvious that Obama is sending a message that no one – Democrat, Republican, or anything else – should be bitter about the results of the election or the events of the last administration. Instead, he is saying that we should all be warm, inviting, and optimistic about the future. What better way to say that than with the sweetest of cherries? Bravo, Mr. Obama. Bravo.

Flavor: BidenBerry
Ingedients: “”vanilla ice cream with red raspberry variegate through it.”

Meaning behind the ingredients?: First of all, I’m surprised and disappointed that the Biden-related ice cream was not Amtrak Almond or Scranton Sorbet. Maybe those flavors can become a reality after Obama/Biden’s victory against Ron Paul in 2012. Back to the task at hand, though, the red raspberry throughout the vanilla sends a powerful statement: Sure, this political team may seem a little fruity and crazy on paper, but just give BidenBerry (metaphor for Obama/Biden administration) a taste (metaphor for “a fair chance”) and you’ll fall in love. The upcoming administration should hire these Ice Cream Overlords for the Department of Frozen Treats cabinet position, for no one else could possibly be up to the task.

An interesting thing to note about these flavors is that they are all based around vanilla ice cream. Could this be a message about race relations in America? Or is Obama so post-racial that he does not judge the nation by the color of its cream, but by the tastiness of its character (paraphrased from Martin Luther King II, M.D., D.D.S., Esq.)? We will find out in the coming months and years.