The View From Schreyer House

Dear Diary,

fakegrahamspanierSorry I stopped writing in you over winter break. You see, I accidentally left you in State College while I jetset across the continent. While I am certainly sad about Penn State losing the Rose Bowl, the trip out west was very fun. I got some sun. I got to wear a straw hat, my favorite. I bought my wife a pair of those puffy Ugg boots. I’ve noticed them to be quite popular around campus, but I don’t see why. They are not particularly attractive. They’re really warm you say? In that case, you could just wear flannel or wool socks! They’re not even waterproof! Oh well. Sandra really tries to be as hip as possible though. I just don’t want her feet to get propositioned by those college boys. I know how immature they can be from sitting with them at lunch the other day. One even took a picture of me. Psh! He thought I wasn’t looking. All they were talking about were the Three Bs, as they called them, Beer, Babes, and Bongs. Those kids up in Findlay Commons are soooooooo sophisticated.

My Snow LairRight before the kids came back for Spring Semester (quite a misnomer right? It’s cold as shit.), there was that huge snowstorm. After it was over, I created my architectural masterpiece. I call it the Lion’s Lair. Basically, in the winter months, when I need to get out of the office and just gather my thoughts, I walk out to the wasteland that is the Old Main lawn and sit in my igloo. Staring out at the blank landscape of snow and slush helps me clear my mind. So yes, if you’ve seen that structure and wondered who made it, it’s mine. You are not allowed in. I boobytrapped it, so, if you fail to respect my wishes, watch out! (Hint: the boobytrap has something to do with your tuition increasing.)

Looking ahead, I’m really enjoying watching Penn State Basketball. The fact that there is a definite winner come March Madness makes the sport very appealing. DeChellis seems to have the boys on the right track. If he gets them into the Tournament, a Paternoesque pay raise and coverup might be possible.  On the subject of the NCAA, I really hope Dr. Myles Brand, President of the Association gets better soon. Cancer is definitely a bummer. But anyway, racquetball season is really heating up and I must practice.



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Eli Glazier

Eli is a junior majoring in International Politics. He enjoys paninis and books.


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