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The View From Schreyer House

Dear Diary,

fakegrahamspanier1The past few days have been great! The Steelers won their sixth Super Bowl. Take that Dallas! I’ve been brushing up on my pop culture by listening to Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter III. I am so hood.

Also, I dealt a great blow to the United Students Against Sweatshops club on campus. If you recall, the group wanted me to sign the Designated Suppliers Program, whatever that is. Heck, I didn’t even read their proposal. But, they had been getting on my nerves the past few months. Their “study-in” on December 9th was particularly annoying to me. I had a very important meeting with Russell Athletic executives that day, the topic of which was agreeing on a new contract for all that great apparel.

(On a side note, you know what I love? I love when you buy a new sweatshirt and it’s just so fuzzy on the inside that you want to wear it to death.)

Anyways, part of the contract agreement was that I would receive compensation in the form of apparel in exchange for turning a blind eye to how it’s actually made. I was all set to agree, but those USAS exploited-people-huggers had to block my door, canceling the meeting. This did not make Russell very happy. On the contrary actually. As a result, they created two new apparel factories in the Dominican Republic, and not the unionized kind either. So that backfired, USAS!!!!!!!11!!

After that, I met with the USAS to gloat over their failings. So, now that you’re all caught up, I recently met up with Joseph Boezich of Knights Apparel. The company is pushing their new program entitled, “Above and Beyond.” Something to do with improved working conditions or some tomfoolery like that.  So I thought, What the heck, let’s do this. Screw Russell and them not giving me any free schwag.

That day marked the beginning of a beautiful relationship. And get this! THE NEW PLAN ONLY HELPS WORKERS IN ONE FACTORY!!!! Those other factories are out of luck. By agreeing to this program, it’s like I gave the USAS the middle finger. This small action on my part is totally not what they wanted, but it still looks like I did what they wanted! This mean’s I’ll never have to deal with them again. (They were a little too “crunchy” for me and their Birkenstocks ruined the rug.)

Spanier Out.


About the Author


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