Vote Or Die
Listen, you may have gotten the sweet talk from Eli and Davis, but we’re beyond that at this point. If Onward State is going to win U.S. News And World Report’s Best Alternative Media Outlet, we need your help. At this time, we’re in 4th place with just 9 percent of the vote. It’s time to pull out the big guns.
As a mere college student/writer, I cannot offer much more than myself. Apparently the appeal of rhetoric alone isn’t enough to propel our motley crew to the top, so I will put up one Mark-act-of-shame if we pull it out and win this thing. One of the following will be done (reader’s choice), and filmed by another member of Onward State, in the event that our readers pull together and vote us to victory:
1) I will eat Creamery ice cream until I vomit.
2) I will pen a multi-part erotic novella chronicling the misadventures of Fake Graham Spanier.
3) I will show up to a crowded lecture class as Green Man, and only leave when the class ends or the professor confronts me.
So send the link to friends, family, Penn State alumni, bandwagon Penn State fans, neighbors, fictional characters, coworkers, homeless people with computers, estranged relatives, Gary Busey, ANYONE that could possibly help us win this thing. The polls close February 17th, so TIME IS RUNNING OUT!
Vote here. Or Die.
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About the Author
‘And Just Like That’: Mara McKeon’s Senior Column
“I have only grown from every experience I went through here, good and bad, and in the end, it made me a better person.”
Texas A&M Edge Rusher Enai White Transfers To Penn State Football
White spent three seasons with the Aggies before entering the transfer portal.
Penn State Football To Wear Generations Of Greatness Uniforms Against SMU
The uniforms are typically worn during Homecoming games, though, the game against SMU has historical significance for the program.
Gorman Abruptly Resigns
Head coach of the men’s soccer program Barry Gorman unexpectedly announced his resignation Monday. He leaves a legacy of 22 years of coaching and three Big Ten titles in his wake. Citing “personal reasons,” he has left the team to a nation-wide search for his successor.
“We expected Gorman to be there,” [rising Senior and Co-Captain Andres] Casais said of next season. “He was a father figure to us.”
Oof, that can’t feel good. The move isn’t completely out of the blue, as Gorman was periodically absent during the past few weeks without notice. But from all accounts, his intention to resign was only revealed yesterday. On the abandonment scale, this registers just slightly above “going to the store for some cigarettes and never coming back.”