Listen, you may have gotten the sweet talk from Eli and Davis, but we’re beyond that at this point. If Onward State is going to win U.S. News And World Report’s Best Alternative Media Outlet, we need your help. At this time, we’re in 4th place with just 9 percent of the vote. It’s time to pull out the big guns.

As a mere college student/writer, I cannot offer much more than myself. Apparently the appeal of rhetoric alone isn’t enough to propel our motley crew to the top, so I will put up one Mark-act-of-shame if we pull it out and win this thing. One of the following will be done (reader’s choice), and filmed by another member of Onward State, in the event that our readers pull together and vote us to victory:

1) I will eat Creamery ice cream until I vomit.

2) I will pen a multi-part erotic novella chronicling the misadventures of Fake Graham Spanier.

3) I will show up to a crowded lecture class as Green Man, and only leave when the class ends or the professor confronts me.

So send the link to friends, family, Penn State alumni, bandwagon Penn State fans, neighbors, fictional characters, coworkers, homeless people with computers, estranged relatives, Gary Busey, ANYONE that could possibly help us win this thing. The polls close February 17th, so TIME IS RUNNING OUT!

Vote here. Or Die.