PSU news by
Penn State's student blog



The More You Know: 16801 After Spring Break

the_more_you_knowDear readers,

Do not believe the idyllic tweet recently posted on Onward State. Downtown State College is peaceful and quaint? Perhaps if you consider the area of Beaver Canyon, which has been taken over by the pterodactyls, where exposed rib cages outnumber discarded beer cans, to be “quaint.”

That tweet was a ruse, most likely perpetrated by one of the many new biker gangs that are now fighting for control of West Campus. The largest gang, The MurderCyclists, have taken over the Imperial Motor Inn, giving the motel the most business it has had since it hosted that meth lab a few years back.

Needless to say, dear readers, you must come back. State College is a bit of a clusterfuck at the moment. After all, that rat food was eaten by the morlock-like survivors, not adorable mice.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to York, PA, where I hope to avoid committing vehicular homicide on an Amish horse.

Your ad blocker is on.

Please choose an option below.

Sign up for our e-mail newsletter:
Support quality journalism:
Purchase a Subscription!

About the Author


Other posts by Brad

Pavilion Theatre: Clusterf*** of firemen

It is closing night of The Last Days of Judas Iscariot, which is scheduled to start at 8:00 pm.  Unfortunately, The entire cast and audience of around 200-some odd people have now been herded into a neighboring parking lot as the Pavilion may be on fire.  Firemen have surrounded the building, and police have taped […]

The More You Know

Your Best THON 2019 Dancer Mail Call Memories

Some of the feedback we received showed just how creative, motivating, and heartfelt the army of supporters behind the 707 dancers could be.

Your THON 2019 Master Playlist

With more than 500 songs and a run-time of more than 30 hours, this playlist will make it seem like THON never ended.

Send this to a friend