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Live Blog: SpanierWatch 2k9

You might remember our list of 15 things the Collegian can do to survive. One of our favorite ideas was this:

SpanierWatch 2k9: have a reporter and photographer on Graham at all times. Let’s get some paparazzi in State College. They could cover the football players too.

Well, since the Collegian hasn’t started it yet, we will. We will be beginning our daily coverage of Spanier’s life today. Hope you enjoy!

3:45… Post-practice Pokey Stix run.

3:24… Who knew that the Deacons of Dixieland had groupies– and I never would have guessed they would be tri-delts. Say hi to the Onward State reporters, girls!

2:46… Power nap over, Mana restored, Spanier heads down to his Deacons of Dixieland practice.

2:19… Graham takes his post-mauling, post-prandial nap.

2:13… Spanier’s anger streak continues as he transfigures himself into a Nittany Lion and mauls Vice President for Student Affairs Damon Sims, Apparently, Sims forgot to add cream to the President’s coffee.

1:44… The Prez is seen headed to a meeting in the crowded HUB. As a student jostles against him accidentally, Spanier is heard to mutter Aveda Kedavra. The student becomes an ex-student.

10:12… Graham Spanier seen undressing in his private quarters by a “dedicated” Spanier watcher

9:25… Spanier seen walking back to Old Main. A USAS member approached him with a petition to stop sweatshops overseas, but he respectfully declined, saying, “A kid’s gotta get a work ethic somehow!”

8:45… We just got out of a breakfast meeting with Graham Spanier. He’s interested in replacing Penn State Live with Onward State as the university’s official news source. Turns out he’s kind of a narcissist– but then again, aren’t all magicians?

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About the Author


Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.


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