The Collegian is at its worst during summer session, when the candidate corps is an avowedly less academic group of summer session students and the bulk of its editing army is off in exotic locales such as New York and Washington.

But the Collegian’s worst is our favorite. There’s nothing better than a nice fluff piece to enjoy over a morning cup of coffee.

Last week, the Collegian published an especially good story about an alumnus living in Bar Harbor, Maine. From one of my preppy sources up north, I found out that Bar Harbor is a natty enclave tucked within Acadia National Park, not far from Canada. In other words, an east coast pot pensioners paradise, with sweet laxers coming in from New England and hippies who never left Maine.

Here’s the lede, which by itself is fitting of Mediaite’s Worst News Ledes feature.

While painting the side of his business, Jack Speight met a character from his imagination and envisioned the adventures she would have.

Because what better way to introduce the reader to the story than by talking about a writer’s imaginary relationship with his protagonist? I know that happens to me all the time. My character is named Spraham Granier though and he is an orphaned boy wizard living with his family in the suburbs of Philadelphia (A boy can dream, no?).

His book, Jinda Maige and the Bone of Evil, which came out July 1, offers life lessons in the context of time travel.

OK, I’m listening.

In the novel, the main character, Jinda Maige is able to travel to another world, but the price is steep. Each time she travels, she loses a non-essential body part.

Done listening.

Seriously, though, nothing against Jack Speight– I’m sure the novel is lovely– but this is just a non-story. Besides, wasn’t the ‘Penn State alum turned time travel fanboy‘ story done earlier this year?