Homecoming week is fast approaching, and already our hearts are all aflutter. The best part of going to Penn State, what all of State College is waiting for, the very essence of our pride and school spirit: FREE SHAKESPEARE AT THE DUCK POND!!!

Our very own infamous School of Theater is gracing us with a performance of Billy Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 6:30 on the Hintz Family Alumni Center lawn. The cast and crew has been so kind as to post their production notes online, so we plucked a few jewels out for your consideration. We’ll give our best guess as to the context, but feel free to suggest your own interpretations…

“We will do a breakable bottle/ spaghetti popcorn extravaganza on Monday.”

Romeo and Juliet, in the throes of a lover’s quarrel, accidentally break their commemorative bottle of raw spaghetti and popcorn kernels that represents their unborn child.

“Paris is no longer in V.3.”

The School of Theater gets creative and sets R&J in a futuristic world where parallel universes are regularly interchanged. In this scene, Paris has been removed from the third dimension, and will be relocated to the seventh.

“We discussed the ongoing battle between sets and bushes. Some will be removed, some will not.”

This production puts yet another twist on the classic plot, anthropomorphizing the set pieces so that they must battle the environment for their rightful place. Members of the EPA declined comment.

“It was decided that the people in the shop would try out the bed once the steps were assembled”

Need I say more?