What a better way to recover from the national binge eating holiday than to watch extremely skinny super models strut their…ahem, tits on the glitterized runway. I’m sorry, I would say “strut their stuff,” but there’s no stuffing involved. I spent the entire day anticipating a giant turkey sandwich I’d be having for dinner when I finally got home,  but instead of reaching into my fridge to grab my Thanksgiving leftovers, I sat on my couch drinking a glass of water and wishing I had a celery stick the gnaw on. When the first model came onto the runaway, the first thing I that slipped out of my mouth was “Goddamn, I need a gym membership.”

I have never watched a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show before, since I’ve never really had an interest in viewing a collection of lingerie when I can just skim through the catalog that’s resting on my kitchen table, but this damn paper… I just didn’t feel like writing it. Viva la end of semester procrastination.

Besides connecting with my inner lesbianism, I was intrigued by the unique display of the skimpy material that would never see the light of day. The performances by Kanye West, Maroon 5, Jay-Z and Kanye West, and Nicki Minaj were definitely a plus. I probably would not have been so eager to watch it if I wasn’t going to hear “N****s in Paris.”

But honestly, what was with the slow motion effect? With every over-exaggeratedly slow flip of their perfectly curled hair, the image of Danger Ehren getting slapped in the face by a sea bass from Jackass 3 was all I could picture, over and over again. Either way, the whole affair just made me feel that much more insecure. I couldn’t help but think that those angels would be so confident in knowing that there would be no disturbing jiggle effect being captured in the elegance of slow motion.

I hope everybody finished their Thanksgiving leftovers and extra pies that your mom insisted you bring back to school with you, because if this doesn’t inspire every girl in the world to go on an immediate diet, I don’t know what will.