Hey there. I bet you’re neck-deep in finals and papers right now. How about a study break?

Today, from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m., I will be hanging out at Irving’s. Come hang out with me! Here are some frequently asked questions about hanging out with me:

Who are you?

I’m glad you asked. I’m Evan Kalikow. I’m a senior here at Penn State and one of the founding members of Onward State.

Why are you dedicating 4 hours of your life to hang out with random people from the internet?

Well, I’m done with finals and I don’t want to just watch Friday Night Lights in my apartment all day.

What are your interests?

Great question! Aside from studying in bars, playing dodgeball, visiting shitty classrooms, and guest appearing on Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show, I like listening to/playing music, making jokes, and having meaningful/buzzworthy conversations.

Don’t you have other friends that you could be hanging out with, you dumb loser?

Nah.

How will I find you?

Look at the picture in this post. That’s me.

Will you help me study?

Sure, but results not guaranteed.

By saying that you won’t be home from 3 to 7, aren’t you putting your apartment at risk of being robbed?

Please don’t rob me.

So there you have it. Stop on by Irving’s and I’ll distract you from your work. Either that or I’ll just sit alone for a few hours and weep–I’m fine with either. See you today!