Topics

More

Onward Date: The Foreigner and the Photographer

We decided to experiment a bit this Valentine’s Day with some Onward State staff dates. We created a compatibility test and used a complex algorithm to match up staff members. The following is the story of Melanie and David’s romantic adventure.

Melanie: David picked me up in STYLE by handing me a rose he printed out minutes before leaving for our date.
David: I thought of getting her flowers, but completely ran out of time. Decided to google “flower,” and print out the first thing that looked like a rose. Golden.

Melanie: He then brought me to…McDonald’s. I thought he was joking.

David: I think she thought McDonald’s was a joke…

Melanie: Needless to say, I wouldn’t eat there.

David: She ACTUALLY refused to eat there. Come on, the Shamrock Shake is back!

Melanie: Good thing I wasn’t hungry. Instead, we decided to find a silly gift to exchange with one another.

David: Really. She picked out Magnums… What do I look like?!

Melanie:  He didn’t appreciate the condom joke. But he really thought I would like those candy hearts? Noooope! This compatibility test thing was NOT working out.

David:  Whatever, the good part of the date is only now coming up.

Melanie: Oh, yay! At least we were going to see a show at The State Theatre.

David:  I messed up. Big time.

Melanie:  It was closed. He had gotten the date of the show wrong.

David:  WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!?!?!?

Melanie: Eff it.

David: “Want to grab a drink at the Deli?”

Melanie: “Only if we can get dessert.”

David: “Done.”

  

Melanie: After the awkwardness passed, we got along pretty well. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I’d definitely talk to him again.

David: Drinks and sugar work wonders. If she didn’t have a boyfriend, I’d definitely ask her out on another date. Taco Bell and a HUB movie?

Your ad blocker is on.

Please choose an option below.

Sign up for our e-mail newsletter:
OR
Support quality journalism:
Purchase a Subscription!

About the Author

Staff

Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.

Every Penn State Athlete Who Just Received A Fifth Year Of Eligibility

The stunning ruling on Friday night suddenly opens the door for dozens of athletes to don the blue and white in 2026-27.

Penn State Football Long Snapper Blaise Sokach-Minnick Named To Mannelly Award Watch List

The redshirt senior joins Chris Stoll and Tyler Duzansky as Penn State long snappers to be nominated for the award.

Defenseman Kohyn Eshkawkogan Commits To Penn State Hockey

Eshkawkogan tied for second among all OHL defensemen in assists and was named to the OHL First All-Rookie Team.

113kFollowers
69.5kFollowers
4,570Subscribers
Sign up for our Newsletter
Other posts by Onward State

OS Debates: Should Penn State Sign A Jersey Patch Sponsorship Deal?

Two of our staffers debated whether Penn State should follow other college programs in signing a jersey patch sponsorship deal.

Grading Penn State Hoops 2026 Transfer Portal Additions

Amelia & Sequoia Open Movin’ On With New Music