The School Philly Co-Founder to Join Onward State
We at Onward State are thrilled to announce the addition of a Penn State blogging king to our staff. Andrew Porter (aka AirPort), co-founder of The School Philly, will be joining our staff effective immediately.
It is not known what his role will be, but rumor has it that AirPort is really hoping to supplant former THON-hating virgin Kevin Horne as Sandusky Scandal editor, who left us late last night to focus on his new position as THON 2013 Overall.
Although there is only a little more than a month remaining in AirPort’s academic career, it is clear that no matter what his official title may be, he will provide expertise in an area where Onward State has fallen short in the past: bro life.
It is officially daylong season, and we need a bro reporter out in the line of fire live-tweeting and reporting at every fraternity daylong. There is truly only one man for the job: the PSU social media bro-king, AirPort. In order to celebrate and make him feel at home, we decided to change our pictures on Twitter and Facebook to the The School Philly logo.
Rumors of AirPort’s defection swirled as he has been regularly calling into The Onward State Old-Timey Audio Hour over the past few weekends. AirPort could not be reached for comment on his decision because he was too busy partying his tits off at G-Man last night and is hungover and watching the Flyers game.
There’s no need to worry, however, about the fate of The School Philly for the remainder of the year! AirPort has left the site in the hands of someone named The Boston Kid, who is from nowhere near Philadelphia.
It is not known if the acclaimed TSP Dime-a-Dozen series will be joining Onward State with AirPort, but we can only hope.
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About the Author
Sandy Barbour will make an average of $1,269,000 per year as part of the new deal, which runs through August 2023.
With more than 500 songs and a run-time of more than 30 hours, this playlist will make it seem like THON never ended.
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