A Depressing Playlist for Your Valentines Day Blues
To me, today is February 14. To others, today is Valentines Day.
Unless you live under a rock, or are a person who is generally disinterested in bullshit holidays that make you feel really bad about yourself, you are probably well aware of the significance placed on this gloomy February day. You’ll be surrounded by tokens of love and affection all day long — whether it is among friends or on TV. If you’re lucky, you have a hot date or a lovely day planned with a significant other. If not, you’re probably quite aware of the fact that Valentines Day and self-loathing go hand in hand.
If you are one of those sorry souls (like me) who is spending another Valentines Day without a trip to Hallmark, I, along with some fellow sad souls on the staff at Onward State (with inspiration from the esteemed Dennis McNamara) have assembled a depressing playlist to assist you with your day of self-loathing.
Taking Back Sunday — “This Photograph is Proof”
“Now I’m lying on the table / with everything you said / keep that in mind the way that it felt / when the most I could do was to just blame myself”
I know I’m not alone when I say that I went through that awkward phase in the beginning of my angsty teen years in middle school and early parts of high school where I listened to a lot of over-dramatic emo pop/punk bands. Taking Back Sunday was one of those bands and albums like Tell All Your Friends and Where You Want To Be got some heavy listens. If you’re yearning for those confusing times when you first tried to figure out how the hell a girl’s brain works, this song might be a good way to kick off a lonely Valentines Day.
Hawthorne Heights — “Niki FM”
“Right now / I’m outside of your window / with my radio”
Hawthorne Heights is undoubtedly one of the shittiest bands of all time. They are mostly known for that song about cutting their wrists and blacking their eyes and this song is similarly embarrassing when you realize it being sung by dudes in their mid-20’s. For whatever reason, my 14-year-old self seemed really into the idea of standing outside of a girl’s window with my radio playing her some song that would make her like a dumpy fat kid like myself. Oh and for the record, I did not stand outside of any girl’s window with my radio.
Action Bronson & Statik Selektah — “Love Letter”
“Remember the days you held me on your chest? I listened to your heart, gentle kisses on your breast / You said I was your king, or was it just a show? But we don’t even talk, so I guess I’ll never know”
If you’re still not over one of your true loves and Valentines Day makes you reminisce about this former significant other, my boy Bam Bam Bronsolini has a nice, angry hip-hop track for you. Bronson lays some introspective lines about the ups and downs of his relationship before quickly changing his tone toward the song’s end with the line “I loved you / b*tch f*ck you /I miss you so much, but I love you.” I know how you feel, Bronson.
Eamon — “F*ck It (I Don’t Want You Back)”
“See I don’t know why I liked you so much / I gave you all of my trust / I told you I loved you, now that’s all down the drain/ You put me through pain”
Despite its explicit title and lyrics, this song was a big hit back when I was like 12 years old. At the time, I just thought it was cool there was a song on Q102 (or whatever Philly radio station I listened to back then) where I could yell the F-word a bunch of times every time it came on. For all of y’all out there who have been cheated on or like cursing at people or calling your ex a “hoe,” this song is for you. Enjoy.
Toni Braxton — “Unbreak My Heart”
“Don’t leave me in all this pain / Don’t leave me out in the rain / Come back and bring back my smile / Come and take these tears away”
This tearjerker goes out to all the ladies out there. Toni Braxton dropped this chart-topper back in the 90’s and I kinda remember it being on that channel “The Box” a lot back in the day. If you are still reeling from a recent breakup and have an affinity for ballads with really dramatic music videos, this song is for you. Oh and for the record, I would never break Toni Braxton’s heart. She rules.
*NSYNC — “Gone”
“I’ve been sitting here / Can’t get you off my mind / I’ve tried my best to be a man and be strong /I Drove myself insane wishing I could touch your face / But the truth remains / You’re gone…”
Looking back, the whole boy band thing was crazy. My older sister drove me nuts listening to NSYNC every time we were in the car together with a parent. While most of their music is absolutely unbearably awful, I can admit, these NSYNC dudes were talented. This song was a hit and is catchy as hell. So if you’re feeling lonely out there, Justin Timberlake, at some point in the last 10 years, probably felt the same way. Hopefully that makes you feel better.
Elliott Smith — “Everything Reminds Me Of Her”
“So if I seem a little out of it / Sorry / But why should I lie / Everything reminds me of her”
From personal experience, Elliott Smith is one of the best musicians to listen to when you’re down in the dumps. A few years ago when a girl told me she “wanted to see other people,” this was one of many Elliott songs I turned to. It’s a shame he’s not around to write more beauties like this one. RIP Elliott.
Kanye West — “Say You Will”
“Why would she make calls out the blue / Now I’m awake, sleep isn’t new”
When Kanye’s auto-tuned filled album 808’s and Heartbreaks dropped in 2008, I, along with a ton of other people, were confused by the direction he was taking and were disappointed in the album. But after a heartbreak of my own, I gave it another chance. “Say You Will” is the opening cut from 808’s and it sets the tone for an album chock full of melancholy. Fortunately for Kanye, he made it through his heartbreak and is now dating Kim Kardashian. Maybe your life will follow a similar path, but it probably won’t.
The Tallest Man On Earth — “Love is All”
“And now spikes will keep on falling from the heavens to the floor / The future was our skin and now we don’t dream anymore / No, we don’t dream anymore”
Kristian Matsson is not the tallest man on earth, but he does write incredibly beautiful songs like “Love is All” from his 2010 album The Wild Hunt. This song goes beyond any sort of cheesy breakup song we’ve all heard way too many times. Its lyrics reflect some seemingly intense heartbreak that will hopefully provide you some sort of solace to you sad Valentines Day folks out there.
Ben Folds — “Bitches Ain’t Shit” (Dr. Dre Cover)
“All of the lyrics / are probably too explicit / to post here”
Ben Folds somewhat infamously covered “Bitches Ain’t Shit,” a track from Dr. Dre’s classic album, The Chronic. Folds turns Dre’s west coast hip-hop into a melancholy piano anthem with the same outrageous lyrics Dre, Snoop Dogg, Kurupt and the rest of their west coast crew came up with back in ’92. It’s a goddamn good reminder that, well, bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.
Do you have any other suggestions for a depressing soundtrack to your Valentines Day? If so, let us know in the comments. Happy Valentines Day, y’all!