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32 People Who are Better Qualified to Serve on The Board of Trustees

It’s no secret that many people question both the quality and motives of The Board of Trustees. They’re supposed to be responsible for the welfare and governance of our University. In light of recent meetings and the upcoming elections, I’ve decided to assemble my own Board of Trustees Dream Team:

1) Zazu

Simba got all the glory, but we all know who really ran Pride Rock.

2) Pope Benedict XVI

I hear he has some free time.

3) Anyone who thinks OJ didn’t do it

Hi, Ken Frazier.

4 & 5) Olmec and that creepy guy who hosted Legends of the Hidden Temple


6) Walter White

Phone calls? No… “I am the one who knocks.”

7) Dora the Explorer

Ella tiene una mochila de conversación.

8) Morgan Freeman

If that voice fired me over the phone, I wouldn’t even be mad.

9) Jennifer Lawrence


10) Lady Gaga’s meat dress

Jennifer Lawrence might get hungry. (Yes, that was a Hunger Games joke.)

11) Ari Gold

“I can’t swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.” Sounds about right.


13) Marky Mark

The BoT could use some good vibrations. (Ladies: You’re welcome.)

14) Boo


15) Coach Bombay

He had to deal with knuckle pucks, The Bash Brothers, and Team Iceland.

16) Prof. Sam Richards

Sam Richards
“C’s earn degrees…” New Alma Mater lyrics?

17) Batman


18 & 19) Bill Murray and Michael Jordan: Space Jam editions

They’re both incredible on their own, but then they teamed up with Bugs to beat The Monstars. Definitely BoT worthy.

20) Tom Brady

Yeah, he went to Michigan. But look at that hair.

21) Mike the Mailman


22) Mr. Snuffleupagus

Similar to most of the work the current BoT does, he’s imaginary.

23) Michael Mauti

NCAA Football: Wisconsin at Penn State

24) Jay-Z

Let’s be honest, he could be President of the United States if he wanted to be.

25) The Willard Preacher’s red hoodie

Con: It can’t talk. Pro: It can’t say anything stupid on behalf of our school.

26) Lucille Bluth

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”

27) This little girl

28) Kid President


29) Blue Ivy Carter

People Beyonce Jay-Z
Beyoncé was too predictable to include, but she named her daughter Blue. Future Penn Stater for sure.

30) Joseph Gordon-Levitt

I don’t have a good reason besides the man-crush I have on him.

31 & 32) These puppies


About the Author

Michael DeGothseir

Advertising/PR major, Blue Band drummer, peanut butter enthusiast.


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Assessing Penn State’s Front Seven Following Tuesday’s Medical Retirements

Penn State’s defensive line rotation will be shaken up following Ryan Buchholz’s medical retirement from football, while the coaching staff is letting the linebackers duel it out during camp.

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