My 2014 THON Line Dance Reaction
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for: what will be included in this year’s line dance? When the Morale captains got on stage, the Bryce Jordan Center erupted in cheers and applause. Turns out, there really wasn’t much to cheer for.
My reaction to his year’s line dance? B-
The beginning of the line dance is weak. It starts with the Backstreet Boys “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) and then goes into Beyoncé’s “Crazy In Love.” Both of these songs are amazing, but they’re also pretty dated. I was expecting a viral song from the past year to be the opener. When the line dance first started, I couldn’t tell if it was a warm up or if the line dance was starting.
Secondly, the chorus isn’t catchy. Every other line dance that I can remember has a chorus that immediately in stuck in my head from the first time I hear it. This year I couldn’t really tell what was going to be the chorus and it definitely didn’t have the jingle I was looking for.
Hey THON bust a move / Turn it up now FREEZE
Jump, shout, let’s get loud / DJ’s drop that beat
For The Kids, we be rockin’ / Dancing – we’re never stoppin’
One day we’ll celebrate / Until then, Fight On State!
Topics in the line dance that they could have ditched:
- “HUB bookstore, where’s it at? / Gotta go outside for that!” – The HUB being on the lawn was that big? A line about the HUB construction in general would have made more sense.
- “Jersey opens up the beach / Hey Pope Francis, PREACH!” – When I saw Chris Christie’s face on the screen, I thought for sure it would be about bridgegate but instead it was about the beach and they slapped Snooki’s face on the slideshow. Can we let go of Jersey Shore already? Has that been included in the last three line dances now? Recycled material.
- “BJC let’s do it / Ayyy! – Ayyy?” That’s it? Just Ayyy?
- “4 diamonds, 1 knight / Wisdom takes us to new heights, Courage, strength to pave the way / Honesty in what we say” – These just seem like empty, filler phrases that don’t mean anything. Did they just give up at this point? If they did, it’s obvious.
Topics they should have included:
- “Timber” by Pitbull and Ke$ha
- New Penn State President Eric Barron
- All the SNOW we’ve had
Lines that are awesome:
- “Feeling lost, look around! / Penn State lives all over town” – What a sham of a marketing campaign. But if Penn State lives anywhere, it’s definitely at THON.
- “Team returns to Rec Hall gym / B.O.B. we’ll miss that chin” – Yes we WILL miss that chin
- “Healthcare, stuck in a rut / Government (PAUSE) – Shut down for what?” – The song totally had to be in it, and I’m happy they avoided using “turnt”
- “Buzzfeed taking up our time / Have 6 seconds? Make a Vine!” – Buzzfeed takes up all of our time. All. Of. It.
- “Sharknado takes the bait / Manti Te’o needs a date” – Two of the most epic things to happen this year
- “Together, our dreams align / What’s possible is redefined” – Great finish.
My suggestions for next year? Get more familiar with iambic pentameter and make it so darn catchy that we sing it all the way into 2016.
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About the Author
Do you yearn for cigarette ash-dusted grilled cheeses from “quintessential shithole” Grillers? Or a night out at G-Man with your old frat bros? Or have evenings of drinking felt incomplete ever since Canyon moved across Beaver and got rid of its sticky blue picnic tables?
It’s hard not to draw parallels between this year’s lacrosse team and a couple other Nittany Lion teams that have used the City of Brotherly Love as a launching pad to sustained success.
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