The phone app Yik Yak is Penn State’s latest (mostly Greek) gossip darling, and it’s no surprise. It’s a great distraction during class, easy to scroll through in line for the bar, and hilarious to read out loud to your friends. But posting your own Yik Yak is a bit of a craft. Here’s a helpful guide:

1. Decide if your post is benign or hostile.

2. If it’s benign, good topics to choose from include: Penn State is the “best school in the world,” how much you can drink/how drunk you are, ask a question (usually something gross, like if someone wants to come over and sit on your face or if the daylong is fun), or something about pokey sticks. Examples:

• “How’s the line at the Phyrst?”
• “Any attractive girl want to come over?”
• “I need pokeys”
• “BAC>GPA”
• “I remember where I was when I first got my acceptance letter to penn state, and now I’m going to be a junior. Holy shit.”

3. If you’re looking to take shots at someone or a group of people, the most obvious target is Greek life. Specific chapters often get targeted, but classic warfare between GDIs and Greeks is also common. Examples:

• “Serious question: does aopi actually make it a point to see how many relationships they can ruin? I’ve heard it happen with several”
• “SAE likes to take poops on campus”
• “Dchi lifts things up and puts them down”
• “‘It’s proper for Greeks to rule non-Greeks’-Aristotle”
• “alpha phi your roses really smell like po-oooo-ooo”
• “[IFC President] Dan Combes drives a mini-van”

4. If you just want to be generally offensive, any off-color comment will do. Popular themes include racism, misogyny, and saying rude things about professors. I obviously won’t give any examples of those.

5. Should none of these topics suit you, voting on posts or commenting is an easy stepping stone and classically passive, as is typical with social media. Still a great way to get your Yakarma score up.

Sadly, Yik Yak activity will die down as the semester ends, but hopefully come August, everyone will have a few witty yaks up their sleeves.