The Eight People You See Walking to Class

Walking to class is an unavoidable part of the college career. Sure, it sucks most of the time, especially in the hell that is winter in State College. But it can also be fun if you make a game out of it. So, to help you cope with the dreadful walk to class, try to spot these eight types of people you’ll certainly see on your next journey.

1. Headphones People

Whether it’s because they just can’t get that Taylor Swift song out of their heads (another thing that happens to everyone), they want some nice background music on their walks, or they want everyone to know that they have no interest in talking to you, the students with headphones are the most common of Penn Staters. Often walking in front of cars, bikes, and buses without a care in the world, they’re accompanied by blank, emotionless faces that scream, emotionlessly of course, “I just want to get to class.”

2. Headphones-Phonecall People

At first glance, these people may appear to be simply Headphones People, but no! They’ll start talking all of a sudden and send you into a panic to determine whether or not they were talking to you. They never are, but about half the time you’ll make some stupid reaction anyway. Bonus points if they have a Bluetooth headset and look like they’re talking to themselves.

3. Running People

So many questions for the runners: Where are you going? Are you running late? If so, why didn’t you leave earlier? Don’t you get sweaty and uncomfortable when you stop running? Most of these questions will sadly be left unanswered because this running person has no time for my silly, insignificant questions. Ultimately though, the joke’s on us, because the runners are getting to their class on time no matter what.

4. The Four-wide Group

Everyone’s favorite group to walk behind, these people seem to be governed by an implicit law stating that they can’t walk any faster than half the socially acceptable speed. This leads to the ultimate internal debate of dealing with it, or trying to pass them on the grass at the risk of looking like running guy. Damn you, four-widers, damn you.

5. That Person You Awkwardly Hooked Up With

A quick way to ruin your day. The moment of terror when you see that person you used to have a relationship with, just hooked up with for a while then completely stopped talking to, or something of the like is always a terrifying one. If you acknowledge their existence, how do you do it? Just a quick hello? A stop-and-chat? There’s no right way to handle such a scenario! Hopefully, you can spot this person in the distance next time and keep your head down as you walk on by.

6. Freshman English Class Person

You definitely know them, and they definitely know you. You sat together in English 015 and probably would have been friends had you ever made plans to hang out, but you were both still awkward freshmen, so it never materialized. Just like Person You Awkwardly Hooked Up With, there are options here too. Do you wave? Give a head nod? Say hi? Look at your phone and pretend you don’t see them? The end result is probably some strange combination of the four, with your hand halfway up, head slightly tilted, and mouth open despite the lack of words coming out.

7. Person That Looks Like Someone You Know

One of my personal favorites. There seems to be a phenomenon at our fine University where every person you’ve ever met, whether here or at home, has a doppelgänger on-campus who you will inevitably see. This will lead to a moment of intense confusion, either when you realize the person they look like has never been within 100 miles of Penn State, or when you wave to them and they look at you like you are an alien.

8. That Douche That Walks Around Categorizing Kids He Sees Walking to Class


Who did I miss? Let me know in the comments. 

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About the Author

Mike Reisman

is a senior Supply Chain Management major with an Economics minor (Read: Business Douche) from South Jersey. He has an intense fear of graduating so please don't bring it up. He writes about stupid things nobody cares about, and student life if the site is low on content that is clearly supposed be funny but is really very unfunny. He is lovingly (?) known around the staff as Baby Mike which may or may not be because he has a child (hint: it’s not). He’s also a second generation Penn Stater who has been wearing Penn State sweatshirts since before he was two, a habit he hasn’t grown out of. If you really hate yourself, you can follow him on twitter at @mike_reisman or email him at [email protected]

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