Daily Collegian Concedes Crate Race Challenge, Onward State Declares Victory

All we wanted was to have a little fun. We wanted to reinvigorate a historic (okay, six-year-old) rivalry. We wanted a healthy competitive event for Onward State writers and Daily Collegian writers to cathartically find some middle ground. We just wanted to have a simple crate race against our “competition.”

It now seems that was but a pipe dream. After issuing an official challenge last week, we patiently awaited a response from the Collegian. We sat on our hands for days, resisting the temptation to call out our fellow student journalists for their radio silence.

After nearly a week, I sent a quick message to Collegian editor-in-chief and leader Sam Janesch (senior – print journalism). I didn’t hear back.

One of my writers ran into Janesch at a local alcohol-serving establishment soon after and approached him for comment. Janesch reportedly said that the Collegian has “no interest” due to “organizational differences,” which I interpreted to mean that they don’t enjoy fun. We even offered to pay for all the alcohol, but Janesch was having none of it.

“I don’t care. I don’t want do it,” he said.

I needed to be sure, though. I forwarded my e-mail back to Janesch on Wednesday in hopes of an official response, and he finally responded late Thursday night:

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As I write this article officially declaring the Daily Collegian’s concession and announcing Onward State as the victorious entity in a crate race that never happened, I feel an overwhelming sense of mixed feelings and confusion rather than pride and joy.

The Onward State staff was elated when we first broached the idea of challenging our rivals to a crate race. We thought it would be an enjoyable experience for both outlets. Perhaps there may have even been some bonding before the Collegian eventually returned to acrimony when we inevitably won the crate race.

While it may be a bittersweet victory for Onward State, we’re certainly not surprised that the Collegian was too frightened of defeat to accept our challenge. In the end, we just want to apologize to you, the readers, for ending this saga in a dark grey cloud of anticlimax.

And with that, I’m only left with one thing to say: We win, bitches.

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About the Author

Zach Berger

Zach Berger is a StateCollege.com reporter and Onward State's Managing Editor Emeritus. You can find him at the Phyrst more nights than not. If he had to pick a last meal, Zach would go for a medium-rare New York strip steak with a side of garlic mashed potatoes and a cold BrewDog Punk IPA. You can reach him via e-mail at [email protected] or on Twitter at @theZachBerger.

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