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How You Know There’s 6 More Weeks Of State College Winter

As yesterday was Groundhog Day, and the rodent did the arbitrary thing involving its shadow, the powers that be decided that the world will live in an extended winter for the next six weeks. But here in State College, known otherwise as the perpetual frozen hell of Pennsylvania, we don’t need a small animal that lives in a hole to tell us that winter is still here. We just know. How exactly do we know? Well that’s what I’m here for.

1. Everything you do gets ruined by snow.

Want to walk to class and get there on time? Too bad. Park your car and actually expect to be able to see out of either windshield when you drive? Nah. Enjoy being outside without the weather constantly hitting your face? The snow laughs at you. For as many things as snow makes awesome, it makes twice as many things horrible, and worst of all it never gets your classes cancelled.

2. You haven’t completely given up on Penn State basketball.

It has to be really, really depressingly cold for Penn State basketball to still give you hope. This is a situation where the most lovable group of people absolutely rip out your heart and crush your soul on a bi-weekly basis, and somehow, it is so deep into winter that you are brainwashed into believing in this team, even trusting them to bring you joy. If that’s what the winter is like, there is no way that the end is anywhere near in sight for this dreadful season (basketball and otherwise).

3. You’re still going to all or most of your classes.

If your classes, extra-curricular activities, and the weather haven’t collectively beaten all the enthusiasm out of you yet, then winter is far from over. Bonus points if you’re still reading the assigned textbook materials.

4. Temperatures in the 30s excite you.

Sure, it’s less than ideal, but really, how bad is a high of 31? I mean, think about it, it could be worse, like 20, or even 13. As long as you keep the expectations low, it’s tough to be disappointed, which is good because otherwise you would be disappointed literally every day.

5. Your roommate thinks you’re hibernating.

I mean, can you blame them? They left for their 8 a.m. and came back at noon and your lazy ass hadn’t moved. Sure, wrapping yourself in a cocoon of blankets is nice, but for the love of god do something with your life. Anyway, if you’ve taken up the habits of a bear because you’re so afraid of the cold, chances are winter isn’t leaving anytime soon.

6. You haven’t seen the sun in weeks.

That big yellow ball that provides most of the world’s light and energy seems to disappear for a few months in the Central Pennsylvania area around this time, leaving the sky a fairly consistent gray for the better part of the spring semester. If we’re being honest, I’m not quite sure I remember what the sun looks like, and I certainly don’t remember what heat from the sun feels like, which means it has probably been winter for too long.

7. Grass has ceased to exist on campus.

Oh boy, now you know you’re in it. If you can’t see grass on campus, we’ve reached that part of the winter where everyone feels pretty much the same as Piers Morgan that one time. Fall is far enough in the past that you forget what the nice weather was like, and spring is so far away, it laughs at you by killing all the grass and making you forget that the ground isn’t actually supposed to be white all the time.

8. March 21 is more than six weeks away.

Winter lasts until March 21 no matter what, so whether or not the groundhog is capable of seeing something on the ground right next to him is meaningless. It still probably won’t be spring for a while.

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About the Author

Mike Reisman

is a senior Supply Chain Management major with an Economics minor (Read: Business Douche) from South Jersey. He has an intense fear of graduating so please don't bring it up. He writes about stupid things nobody cares about, and student life if the site is low on content that is clearly supposed be funny but is really very unfunny. He is lovingly (?) known around the staff as Baby Mike which may or may not be because he has a child (hint: it’s not). He’s also a second generation Penn Stater who has been wearing Penn State sweatshirts since before he was two, a habit he hasn’t grown out of. If you really hate yourself, you can follow him on twitter at @mike_reisman or email him at [email protected]


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