The Sickest Penn State Burns
Ever been in the position where your friend throws a moderate-but-not-mic-droppable burn your way and you’re stuck floundering for a mic-droppable response?
Your friends at Onward State are here to help. Due partly to the nature of our meetings, in which we sit around and make fun of each other more than we get work done, we compiled a list of the sickest Penn State-related burns we could think of for you to add to your joke arsenal.
- I bet you look both ways before crossing Beaver Avenue.
- You’re so dumb, you try to pay the Blue Loop driver.
- Your standards are so low, you eat Canyon sober.
- You once said, “Hey, this isn’t so bad,” when you were eating at Findlay Commons.
- You’re so un-State, you don’t know the words to the Alma Mater.
- Do you even know how many days it is until THON, bruh?
- That’s so basic it wouldn’t even get posted on the Campus Story.
- (alternatively…) You’re more basic than Old Main Instagrams.
- Yo momma’s so fat, Are U Hungry named a sandwich after her.
- You’re so lazy, Cafe hired you to be a waiter.
- You’ve read the Collegian once.
- Yo momma’s so old, she remembers when the HUB had a lawn.
Got another stately burn? Tell us in the comments.
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About the Author
Tim’s Law adds stricter penalties for hazing, as well as provides requirements for institutions and includes immunity for those who call for medical attention in hazing emergencies.
Sean Spencer’s Wild Dogs have now accumulated 25 sacks on the season, securing 25 turkeys to be donated to the State College Food Bank at Thanksgiving.
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