Old Main’s Chime To Be Changed To ‘We Dem Boyz’
Citing a need to reaffirm the gender of Penn State every 15 minutes, the university announced today that the Old Main bell will now play a section of Wiz Khalifa’s hip hop/trap hit “We Dem Boyz” every time it rings.
“I’ll be honest, sometimes I forget Penn State’s preferred gender, especially during homecoming week when all of the pink balloons come out,” sophomore Peter Baine admitted. “It’ll be reassuring to know that Old Main will remind me that Penn State is in fact ‘dem boyz’ every quarter of an hour.”
The bell currently chimes “Westminster Quarters” during the week and “Hail To The Lion” during the weekend, but both traditional tones will be scrapped and replaced by the Franklin-era Beaver Stadium anthem.
Fortunately for students and staff, Khalifa’s club banger was unanimously selected over a suggestion for the Line Dance to be played in its entirety every 15 minutes, including a requirement that anyone on campus stretch and dance every time the bells chime.
The university does, however, expect that female students will be thrown into the air on an hourly basis. The number of times will, of course, be dependent upon what time the clock is striking.
“We wanted to provide a definitive answer to the question on everyone’s mind: ‘Who or what is Penn State?'” a representative from the university said alongside the announcement. “Penn Staters always seem to be questioning who ‘We Are,'” he noted with a perplexed expression. “Everyone needs to be reminded that Penn State is and forever will be ‘dem boyz.'”
It has been speculated that Old Main did not have a say in the proceedings. “Hold up,” chimed the University Park landmark as programmers began to switch out the tracks.
Listen for the Old Main Bell to begin “making noise” tonight at 6 p.m.