Paterno Credited With 410th Win, Extends Record
An NCAA investigation has led to a shocking discovery: a 410th win for former Penn State football head coach Joe Paterno. The investigation uncovered a September game during the 1967-1968 season against Alcorn State which was inexplicably left out of the record books. The game ended in a 13-13 tie, but an obscure rule put in place from 1964-1970 named the home team the winner if a game ended in tie, which in this case was Penn State.
The official NCAA football record book mistakenly recorded the game as a tie, but the investigation has discovered the error and plans to immediately restore the lost win to Paterno. Onward State attempted to reach out to the Paterno family but was not able to obtain comment.
Early reaction from the Penn State community has been decidedly positive. Nittanyville leaders had planned a rally in response to the announced closing of Chipotle but have decided to divert this rally to 9 p.m. at Old Main tonight in response to the announcement. Drunken chants of “Four-Oh-Ten” were heard from Beaver Avenue this morning, as students begin to find out the news. One local sophomore had this to say, “Man, this is great news. I always knew JoePa had more wins in him.”
Guy Gadowsky, the men’s hockey coach, has already come out and stated that the hockey team will be wearing “410” stickers for the duration of the 2016-2017 season. Athletic director Sandy Barbour is rumored to announce plans involving every Penn State athletic team displaying “410” on their uniforms next year.
In the meantime, McClanahan’s announced the launch of new “410” magnets, signs, and car stickers. Go out and buy some 410 gear to show your pride in Penn State. We Are.