PSU news by
Penn State's student blog



The Official Penn State vs. Maryland Drinking Game

The worst thing about away games (or, in today’s case, neutral games played away from Beaver Stadium) is just that: They’re away. Though initial reports suggest Penn State fans are dominating the turnout at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore, the atmosphere isn’t the same as a home game. And if you’re a student, chances are you’re watching in your dorm or apartment, and didn’t make the trip.

Regardless, we here at Onward State plan to make the most out of our Saturday. With that in mind, we present the drinking game for the season’s third game away from Beaver Stadium — today’s clash against Maryland.

  • Whenever last year’s infamous handshake (or lack thereof) is mentioned, give your buddy a firm grasp of the hand and take a gulp.
  • If the captains do shake hands (and they almost certainly will), raise a glass to sportsmanship and drink for four seconds — one for each captain.
  • When Christian Hackenberg inevitably becomes Penn State’s all-time leading passer, pour one out for poor Zack Mills and take a drink.
  • For every shanked punt, punt your natty off your porch. Drink a second for every yard more that the shank traveled than your own punt.
  • Every time Hackenberg underthrows a wide receiver screen out of the shotgun, shotgun your beer immediately and curse John Donovan.
  • Every time the commentators mention Randy Edsall, drown your drink with a pinch of Old Bay in honor of the glorious city of Baltimore.
  • Whenever highlights of last year’s loss inevitably show, turn off the game and rewatch highlights from The Wire.
  • If Maryland’s star kick returner Will Likely takes a return to the house, crack open a case of National Bohemian, Maryland’s preferred brew.
  • Whenever Carl Nassib records a sack, or whenever Bob Shoop is shown on the screen, raise your glass, take a gulp, remove your hat if you’re wearing one, and salute those men.
  • If Penn State wins — and in the process clinches bowl eligibility — sprint to the kitchen, grab your favorite bowl, pour your drink into that bowl, and imbibe from that bowl for the rest of the day.
  • If it’s mentioned that the two other Division I teams in Pennsylvania are ranked, but Penn State isn’t, take a drink between the tears.
  • If Penn State loses, drink whatever you have left. If Penn State wins, drink whatever you have left.

Enjoy the game! And drink carefully, you bunch of drunks.

Your ad blocker is on.

Please choose an option below.

Sign up for our e-mail newsletter:
Support quality journalism:
Purchase a Subscription!

About the Author


Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.


Other posts by Onward State

Onward Debate: Did Penn State Hockey Get It Right With New Alternate Jerseys?

Two of our staff members weighed in on whether the new gray jerseys are an improvement over the old ones.

Who Is Penn State Football’s GOAT?

The Official Citrus Bowl Drinking Game

Join Onward State: Spring 2019 Application

Want to be a part of the nation’s premier student-run media outlet? Want to have your words read or your pictures seen by hundreds of thousands of readers and social media followers? More importantly –do ya like having fun? Believe it or not, it’s that time again. Onward State is hiring for the spring semester and we’d […]

Your Guide To Finding Last-Minute Graduation Housing

If you and your family are entering your last spring semester with a lot less coordination, there are some still some limited but available options for graduation day accommodations.

Send this to a friend