It’s the best time of year: You survived your night in Frat Land Friday and you get to wake up to Penn State football. Making the most out of your tailgate experience is an art form. You don’t want to get too drunk, but you don’t want to be too sober. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always imitate art.

We truly hope your tailgate experience runs smoothly this Saturday, but it’ll probably look a little more like this:

From A Female Perspective:

9 a.m – 10 a.m. — I love my roommate, but do we really need the cowbell at 9 a.m.? Why do we have to drink this early? I guess I’ll miss this when I graduate.

10 a.m. – 10:30 a.m. — Time to fuss over what to wear and then wear the same thing I wear to tailgates every week and hope no one notices. Only selfie Instagrams today, I guess. This probably involves some high socks, high-waisted shorts, and a half-up-half-down hairstyle.

11 a.m. – 11:15 a.m. — My roommate puts on a playlist full of every cliché drinking song I’ve ever heard in an attempt to get me to drink. It works.

11:15 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. — If I don’t put a Snapchat time filter up saying it’s 11:35 a.m. and I’m drinking to Shipping Up To Boston, am I even relevant? It’s time to go to an actual pregame.

12:00 p.m. – 12:05 p.m. — I’m walking down Foster Ave. in a drunk and sunny haze.

12:05 p.m. – 1:30 p.m. — I’m at a pregame with too much shotgunning, too much Zombie Nation, and not enough water. My mind is on buff chick dip.

1:30 p.m. – 2:45 p.m. — I’ve made it to the final frontier: the tailgate. Dads and dogs are my favorite things on this planet and it’s time to converse with them. Some weird lines are being crossed.

2:45 p.m. – 3:00 p.m. — I can’t see anything. When’s the game again?

From A Male Perspective:

Tailgating is a quintessential part of Penn State football. Whether you’re a freshman going to your first game or a senior making your last rounds in the student section, everyone has a good tailgating story.

I’ve had some amazing experiences at Beaver Stadium and it always started with the tailgate. That’s no exaggeration — game days are awesome and unlike anything else. That being said, here’s an hour-by-hour recap of my tailgate experience:

9 a.m. – 9:30 a.m. — I’m awake and have a pounding headache. I nauseously stare at the ceiling and try to remember what happened last night. I glance through snap stories to review my night in Frat Land. My roommate looks at me and yells “Get your ass out of bed, it’s gameday.”

9:30 a.m. – 9:45 a.m. — Dizzy shower.

9:45 a.m. – 10 a.m. — Get dressed. Find my sunglasses and bandana. Go into my closet, find my handle, and fill a water bottle. It’s go time.

10 a.m. – 10:30 a.m. — The hangover starts to fade ever so slightly and I get excited seeing thousands of Penn Staters walk toward the stadium dressed in blue and white. I look over to see people stumbling through the pack. I need to catch up, so I take a gulp.

10:30 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. — Tailgates are actually the greatest thing ever. Booze, food, and Penn State dads. There’s no better trio. Sometimes you tailgate with people you know and other times you tailgate with strangers. It’s all Penn State.

11:00 a.m. – 11:15 a.m. — I’m drinking a beer other than Natty. Why can’t every day be gameday?

11:15 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. — I’ve heard more stories from Penn State dads today than I can possibly remember. It’s cool, though. This is the best.

11:30 a.m. – 11:45 a.m. — The stories take a sad nostalgic turn to the glory days. To help them remember what the glory days were, we all take shots from my water bottle. Shots with Penn State dads. My life is complete.

11:45 a.m. – 12 p.m. — I finish my water bottle and am sufficiently drunk enough to go to this game.

12 p.m. – 12:05 p.m. — Shit. It’s a 3:30 kickoff.

12:05 p.m. – 1 p.m. — Choose your own adventure — the lots, the IM fields, or the RV park.

1 p.m. – 2 p.m. — The alcohol is flowing everywhere I go. I feel like I’ve run into every person I have ever met at Penn State. Everyone’s out trying to get that steady buzz pregame and make it ’til the Alma Mater postgame.

2 p.m. – 2:30 p.m. — Where the hell are we? We’ve walked every inch of the tailgating scene outside Beaver Stadium and landed very, very far from the stadium. I haven’t been sober since early Friday night and I just hit the danger zone. I need a nap.

2:30 p.m. – 3 p.m. — Even in the danger zone, I’m determined to get inside that stadium. I stumble back through the RV park, mumble incoherently, and somehow come into view of the stadium.

3 p.m. – 3:30 p.m. — I made it. I might not remember it, but I made it into the game. I need a chicken basket.