Nittany Quickie: Episode One

We asked for your craziest hook-up stories and wow did you answer. In some cases, we almost wish you hadn’t. You have boned, banged, rode, and ripped clothes off on almost every corner of campus. Unfortunately, you may not be able to look at these places the same again, but we can’t say we aren’t proud. Here’s the first round of your submissions for the craziest Penn State hook-up stories.

Best Use of Pollock Testing Center

“Last summer the guy I was hooking up with worked in the Pollock Testing Center computer lab that was open 24/7. I had a pizza delivery man drop me off there after a night of partying. Basically, I went all the way in the Pollock Testing Center bathroom in the middle of the night. It’s safe to say things got weird last summer.”

The one and only time someone had a positive experience at the Pollock Testing Center. We give you an A for the effort.

In Honor of Atherton

“A group of four friends was downtown having a few drinks — I think Darkhorse. Just a normal Thursday night. Two friends split off to go home, then the two of us kept drinking. We actually found someone on the street at 2 a.m. who would sell us beer from her apartment. So that gives a sense of the level of inebriation. We wanted to keep drinking. So we walked to the Atherton grave. We started walking on campus. We needed a place to sit down. The “tomb” seemed like a good place. We sat and started drinking, then all of a sudden as we’re talking, we start making out. I never knew if there was a spark between us, but clearly there was. All of a sudden, I hear a belt buckle open and zippers going down, and clothes are coming off. It’s like 3 a.m. at this point. I had the sense of mind to say we should move into the bushes behind the grave to be a bit more discreet. We did the deed back there for probably 20 minutes.They’ve since removed those bushes.”

It’s probably a good thing they’ve removed those bushes, and that Atherton will never know what went down there.

Getting Busy at BBH

“I shared a room with two other people and so did she. We left a local watering hole to do the dirty. We couldn’t go to either of our apartments so we walked to campus. We started on the HUB lawn, then moved to the tables next to them outside the Biobehavioral Health Building. We almost were caught but ran in different directions when we thought we saw someone. I got home later to find out both of my roommates slept out, so this all could have been avoided.”

One thing’s for sure — I won’t be studying at those tables ever again.

Townie Troubles

“I saw my ex at a party with another girl and maybe I got a little jealous. A few drinks later, a boy from my very small French class came up to me — we hadn’t talked before. So he asked me to go home with him. As we were leaving he forgot to mention that he’s from State College and he still lives at home. As we were walking down Beaver, he grabbed a taxi because apparently they were easier to find in State College than Uber. I didn’t question it because I was awfully cold. He gives the driver the address and I’ve never recognized the street before. We start driving and I asked him where exactly he lived. And there it was — he still lived at home.

We pulled up to a nice community neighborhood, right into his driveway and he brought me upstairs to a room connecting to his sister’s. We hooked up with his childhood and high school posters and trophies surrounding us. Since I couldn’t get home that night, I had to sleep over. We walked down stairs (my hair was curled the night before..needless to say it wasn’t anymore) and his mom was reading the paper at the kitchen table. She took one look at me and the hickeys on both of our necks and responded “Who the hell are you.” I felt like I was sneakily in high school all over again. He drove me home but class on Monday, and the rest of the semester, was insanely uncomfortable.”

That certainly isn’t the ideal way to bring a girl home to meet mom.

Dirty in the Den

“It was her formal and we pre-gamed with Natty Light, Bacardi, and some very low end tequila — shit was bound to get weird. We were out on the dance floor doing some ’80s quality ‘cabbage patch kid’ and ‘shopping cart’ when someone behind us was talking about how disgusting and trashy it would be to hook up in the Den…our eyes locked and we knew what had to be done. She led the way and I followed about a minute after. What then ensued was easily one of the most ratchet moments of my 21-year-old life as we did the nasty on one of the counters, since it was the only place that was somewhat clean. No one caught us but everyone in our group knew what happened. 12/10 recommend if you can pull it off.”

Just when we thought the Den couldn’t get any dirtier…we thought wrong.

If you have your own story to share, don’t by shy — clearly many of you aren’t. Submit your stories here.

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About the Author

Caitlin Gailey

Senior from just outside the city of Brotherly Love. Yes, I am one of those Philly sports fans. I bleed blue and white and have since birth. Maybe someday you will see me on ESPN and then again maybe not. If you ever want to inflate my ego email me at [email protected]

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