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Nittany Quickie: Episode Six

The sass and attitude in the sixth episode of Nittany Quickie is unreal. We knew you folks had guts before, but now you’ve taken it to a whole new level. Don’t mess with Penn State and don’t mess with crazy. That’s all we have to say.

This One’s For You, Professor

“After date night my boyfriend at the time and I went back to the Henderson building where I absent-mindedly left my jacket a few hours earlier. It was a Friday and, like, 8 p.m. so the whole building was basically empty. The class I had in there was math 251 and I had been bitching about my professor all dinner. When we got there and noticed no one was around we thought I could create some happy memories in the room for once so we banged on his desk. I don’t know if he ever found out but my grades improved dramatically following that evening.”

I think it’s safe to assume the two events aren’t related, but there’s no reason to question it when you get good grades and a good bang.

Swipe My Ass

“During my freshman year, I was out with some friends at a frat. I ran into this boy I had hooked up with on several occasions. I then proceeded to get a little too drunk at this party, and the last thing I remember is leaving with him. Me and this boy decided that it would be a good idea to have shower sex at midnight on a Thursday night — definitely not one of my best blackout ideas. Apparently we walked straight into the showers, past several bystanders in the bathroom. Then we started hooking up in the shower for a few minutes until someone started banging on the shower door. They told us that we needed to exit the shower immediately, so we both grabbed towels and ran out. There we are standing naked in the hall of this dorm while we’re being interrogated by at least four RAs. They asked us to show ID, to which my blackout self replied, ‘Yeah I always take my ID in the shower with me, let me just pull it out of my ass real quick.’ As you can probably imagine, my sass was not received well by these RAs who decided to write me up. I woke up the next morning with a reslife card and not much recollection of anything that had happened. The moral of the story: don’t have sex in the dorm showers.”

Moral of the story, don’t have sex in dorm showers and don’t tell RAs you’ll pull your ID out of your ass. Unless you want an underage — if so, by all means, please take a note from this one.

HUBba HUBba 

“My boyfriend and I went to a concert with a few friends at the HUB on a Friday night mid spring semester. I think the concert was the Bleachers or something. We weren’t super into the band like our friends were, so we decided to get creative and went to hunt for a place to hook up. We went on the second floor of the HUB with all of the rooms for clubs and study areas and kept trying to hide from people and ended up doing the deed in the bathrooms. The janitor knocked mid session and he spooked us to run out after it was over (well, I ran out anyways) and we went downstairs to rejoin our friends. They guessed what we had been up to.”

Nothing says hot and heavy like a HUB bathroom am I right?

Relationship Goals 

“Our mutual friends always host a party once a semester on a Sunday because why not? After a few hours of drinking I struck up a conversation with him because he was in the same major as I was. We both decided it was time to go and left the party together. We started making out in the stairwell of the Lion but kept getting interrupted by other people. I thought it was a good idea to relocate but didn’t feel like walking all the way to his place. I ran to one of the supply closets on the opposite side of the building and dragged him with me. It was a tight squeeze but we did it. We didn’t get caught…but we both lost our shirts in the process and had to run back down the hall to my friend’s apartment without one. My friend and her roommates were so confused as to why the both of us showed up to their door half naked. As it turns out we started dating a few months after and have been together ever since.”

If things work out between you too this should absolutely be told at your wedding.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does 

“So basically, it was State Patty’s weekend and I was pre-gaming at my friend’s apartment. I got a text from my friend in a fraternity inviting me and my girls to their party, so we went. I get to the door and the brothers ask ‘who do we know there?’ I lie of course and throw out a few names but they still let us in. The party is poppin’ and I’m about two Four Lokos and half a water bottle of Burnett’s deep. I’m a thick girl so I can hold my shit but I lost it when the guy I had been texting called me and asked to meet up. My drunk ass left the party (alone, terrible idea) and met up with the guy I had been texting and we went back to his place. Me, him, and his roommates were all sitting around smoking a bowl and all of a sudden I get a text from the guy (mind you he’s sitting next to me) and it says, ‘you should probably go home.’ In my drunken, high state of mind I got so angry I went into his bathroom, took the toilet paper off the roll and flushed the entire roll down his toilet, turned on his shower and found another roll and flooded his entire shower. I left his bathroom, told him to go fuck himself and left. As soon as I got back to my friend’s apartment, I ended hooking up with her roommate’s friend from home on her couch with like seven different people on the floor. I added him on Facebook the next day and he blocked me. Guess the sex must have been that bad because I never heard from him again but needless to say, don’t mess with crazy.”

Honestly I am at a loss for words with this submission.

Did these stories inspire you to share your own? Submit your own crazy Penn State hook-up here.

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About the Author

Caitlin Gailey

Senior from just outside the city of Brotherly Love. Yes, I am one of those Philly sports fans. I bleed blue and white and have since birth. Maybe someday you will see me on ESPN and then again maybe not. If you ever want to inflate my ego email me at [email protected]


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