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Your Official Fall 2016 Finals Week Drinking Game

You’ve studied to the point of delirium, you’re at the point where you have to read simple sentences three times through, and the weekend is rolling around. All roads are leading to copious amounts of alcohol consumption.

Look, we know most Penn Staters are great students who’ll use this weekend to study, but overdoing the studying is oftentimes just as bad as under-studying. Don’t wear yourself out this weekend — one night of stress relief isn’t going to kill you. Here’s a drinking game to help you:

  • If you have any cumulative finals, start your night with a shotgun.
  • Take a shot for every absence you’ve had in a mandatory attendance class.
  • Every time you whole-heartedly think the phrase ‘well, Cs get degrees,’ take a sip.
  • Every time your engineering major friend complains, roll your eyes (optional) and take a sip.
  • Does one of your finals determine if you pass or fail a class? Take a shot.
  • If you’re at a formal, every time you see a srat squat or have to take an Instagram pic for someone, take a sip.
  • Every time you feel guilty for going out, drown out that pointless feeling in a long sip.
  • Any time someone talks to you about finals or classes, tell them to stop and finish your drink.
  • Take a sip each time you calculate the lowest possible score you can get on a final to still pass
  • If you fail a final you thought you aced or ace a final you thought you failed, drink whatever your definition of ‘a lot’ is.
  • Every time you see a “If ____ can do ____, then you can make it through finals week!” social media post, take a sip. We get it, Twitter. Britney Spears had a rough 2007.
  • Take a sip for every minute you spend searching LionPATH for the GPA predictor only to realize it doesn’t exist.As always, drink responsibly. And keep in mind — this might seem like the end of the world, but 20 years from now you’ll barely remember it.

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Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.

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