Everything Bo Nickal Could Turn
Bo Nickal’s fall over Myles Martin in the NCAA Finals clinched Penn State wrestling’s third straight team title and demonstrated how truly powerful he is, rewriting the laws of physics and dramatically stunning the entire Quicken Loans Arena.
For those who might not be familiar with the superhuman might of Bo Nickal or for those who just can’t get enough (don’t be ashamed as the author of this post has viewed it 18 times in the last 36 hours), we’ll show it one more time for the pleasure of watching the baddest man alive pillage the Worst State Ever and prolong the reign of what some might consider the Evil Empire of College Wrestling.
Life comes at ya fast, @wrestlingbucks. pic.twitter.com/Sz2ppCRsOh
— Onward State (@OnwardState) March 18, 2018
Just how strong is Bo Nickal, you ask? Strong enough to turn a whole lot more than Myles Martin’s beefy frame over. Some of these things include…
Cael Sanderson’s Perpetual Frown, Upside Down
To be fair, Cael Sanderson displayed an unusually candid expression of emotion after Nickal’s fall.
Benedict Arnold’s Flighty Allegiance
It might have to take some good ol’ Texas-strong brute force, but Bo Nickal could definitely convince American history’s most famous traitor to rejoin the winning blue team instead of the losing red team. Ha.
Soulja Boy’s Swag On
“Put my team on [my back] and now my whole click stunting’. Boy, what’s up?”
The Turntables
Kind of fitting, considering the how quickly and drastically the course of events in the first period of Saturday night’s match changed.
Oh, Myles, how the turntables…
Rutgers’ Athletic Program Around
What was supposed to boost the Rutgers’ athletic program has resulted in a 7-27 record in conference football games and a 9-63 record in conference basketball games since the team joined the Big Ten in 2014.
As unlikely as it might seem, never doubt the power of Bo Nickal. He can do truly anything — even reverse the misfortune and ineptitude of the armpit of the Big Ten. Fans can rest assured though that Nickal won’t ever leave Penn State (He enjoys winning big matches and team titles too much).
But even if he did, Rutgers could use a former Penn State wrestler who can get it done in March. Maybe then the Scarlet Knights could bring their eternal nosedive to a halt.
Email Notifications Of All The Clubs’ Listservs You Joined During The First Week Of Freshman Year Off
There is an easy way to do it, but if you don’t want to go through the hassle, let Bo Nickal take care of it and free up your inbox of emails from the “positive infinity” deluge of emails.
Down, For What
If this isn’t the pose you strike when the beat drops in this DJ Snake/Lil Jon party classic, why bother?
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About the Author
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An Open Letter To My Sedated Self: Anthony Colucci’s Senior Column
“No challenge you encounter in college will come close to the obstacles you overcame to get there. However, that drive to do things your own way and disregard for what’s seen as ‘normal’ or ‘expected’ will carry on.”