After the Penn State women’s basketball team mysteriously disappeared following its loss in the Women’s NIT to Radford, we’ve finally made contact with the nearly forgotten Lady Lions.

We searched all the good places on campus, where famed statues are believed to go to disappear, including Beaver Stadium’s underground lair, the storage and maintenance garages of North campus, and the letters of the Rodney A. Erickson Food Sciences Building. However, it turns out, they’ve been right where we’d most expect to find them: in the bowels of the Bryce Jordan Center.

Lady Lions beat writer Matt Paolizzi, who has followed the case tirelessly, received an anonymous airdrop of a video of someone who is believed to be Teniya Page, saying, “I’m Teniya Page, and I’m locked in” Friday afternoon.

Paolizzi was sitting in his Curtin Hall dorm room in East when he received the cryptic message, which he originally regarded as a tacky marketing ploy, before beginning to question who the sender was and which buildings were both in range of sending airdropped messages and resembled dungeons one could be locked in.

His search first led him to Wagner Building, the Stone Hall basement, and finally the BJC, which appeared to be the furthest an airdrop could be sent. He then heard faint screams of “We’re locked in!” outside of the loading dock between Gates A and D, and began asking through the cinderblock walls who was on the other side.

Paolizzi struggled to discern the many muffled voices screaming at once, but was able to make out two saying, “I’m Teniya Page, and I’m locked in,” and “I’m Amari Carter, and I’m locked in.” Relieved the team’s two leading scorers were safe, he then alerted BJC marketing director Bernie Punt, who confirmed the team took a wrong turn somewhere in the arena’s labyrinth of a lower concourse and never made it out before security locked the doors following the season-ending loss two weeks ago.

An unsuccessful internal investigation had been going on for the past week, since a spokesperson for Miranda Lambert (who performed at the BJC last month) mentioned the popular country artist heard faint yelling before she took the stage similar to the ones Paolizzi heard of young women, saying, “We’re locked in!”

Lambert originally dismissed these strange noises as ghosts of such a haunted-looking arena and told her spokesperson, who alerted Punt that the arena should invite the Long Island Medium back to campus to exorcise the demons haunting it and its teams.

“We are very thankful to have located the Lady Lions and that they are all safe and in good spirits,” Punt said. “A third search party is entering the BJC this afternoon on an extraction mission, and we hope to find the team and the first two rescue crews without also getting lost.”

Onward State news editor and resident BJC hater Steve Connelly provided a bit of perspective on how easy it is for someone to get lost in the building.

“You can walk around in circles for hours and never make it out,” Connelly said. “I once got lost while going to the pre-THON press conference and didn’t find my way out until the post-THON press conference, 46 hours later. The BJC is a perpetually winding maze of white walls that mirrors the alternate dimension of Nowhere that Squidward tradels to in Spongebob.”

With her entire team returning next season, eternal optimist and head coach Coquese Washington, who made it out of the arena alive, continues to look on the bright side.

“At least these ladies had plenty of time for team bonding,” she said. “This will be great to build chemistry for next season.”