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Staff Picks: Naming Champs Downtown’s Mechanical Bull

Champs Downtown unveiled its latest attraction — a PBR-branded mechanical bull — last week, and announced that the robotic beast would return to the bar every Tuesday.

Every regular needs a name. Here are our staffers’ suggestions for what to call downtown’s newest bucking bovine.

Derek Bannister: Mark 

I plan on dwelling in Champs every Tuesday night from now until the time I graduate — the $1 nacho deal is just too good and I’d actually be losing money if I didn’t get those nachos. Since I will be a regular patron, I want to be able to walk into Champs and say, “Oh, hi Mark.” Of course, I’ll do it just like Tommy Wiseau in “The Room.” Plus, Mark is a pretty masculine name and seems to match a mechanical bull branded by PBR.

Jim Davidson: Old Coaly 

The first Penn State mascot’s legacy needs a reboot — something to remind us of the early days before the beloved Nittany Lion and downtown high-rises. The skeletal display in the HUB doesn’t capture Old Coaly’s legendary work ethic and Happy Valley symbolism. He deserves to be remembered as the strong, active agricultural animal that helped build the Farmers’ High School — not a labelled museum exhibit. Nothing screams vitality, commitment, and strength like a horned robot tossing tipsy bar-goers from its back at 2 a.m. on Tuesday nights while Chris Stapleton blares in the background.

Anthony Colucci: Pat Narduzzi

Everything Pitt’s coach says is a load of bull. Need I say more?

Gabi Stevenson: P.S. Moo

Mooooove over, Old Coaly — there’s new livestock in town. Champs Downtown’s new mechanical bull will obviously attend Penn State, so why not give him a name to match? P.S. Moo is strong, dignified, and very…stately.

Mikey Mandarino: Trap 

If I had a shot to name the new Mechanical Bull at Champs, I would name it after former Nittany Lion safety Troy Apke. Nicknamed “Trap,” Apke was known more for his speed during his career at Penn State, but his bullish attitude and work ethic helped him grow from a relative unknown to a mid-round NFL Draft pick throughout the 2017 college football season. If the bull is named after a football player, it would likely be named after Saquon Barkley or Trace McSorley, but I think Troy Apke was an unsung hero for the Nittany Lions and should be honored as such with the newest addition to Champs.

Elissa Hill: Elissa

Shooters gotta shoot.

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