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All Your Penn State New Year’s Resolutions For 2019

The new year is officially a week old, and I’m willing to bet more than a few of you have already cheated on your New Year’s resolutions. Sorry, I just can’t in good faith give you the benefit of the doubt here.

But fear not! There’s plenty of time to adopt some Penn State-centric New Year’s resolutions now that you’re back on campus for the “spring” semester. Baby steps, people.

Trade HUB Chick-fil-A for a HUB salad.

They’ve got the same hours, they’re (usually) healthier, and the line is way shorter. This one seems like a win-win-win.

(Note: In the interest of transparency, I’m obligated to disclose that I did eat Chick-fil-A nuggets for lunch yesterday.)

Stop taking the elevators in East Halls.

Rumor has it you’re more likely to die in an East Halls elevator than in a car crash. Stay safe out there and get a few steps in by taking the stairs. If you’re not a freshman, this one should be especially easy to accomplish!

Walk to class instead of taking the Bloop.

In my experience, it’ll take you less time anyway. All bets are off if it’s raining, though.

Vow to walk laps at THON.

Standing in once place for 46 straight hours? No, thanks. Take a walk around the concourse* to stay fit and for a chance of scenery.

*If you’re dancing, we mean the floor. Don’t try to find your way to the concourse.

Quit juuling on campus.

One time I saw Cady Heron Penn State wearing army pants and flip flops going smoke-free, so I bought army pants and flip flops went smoke-free.

Actually drink water during State Patty’s.

Seriously, drink some water.

Get in shape for the Mifflin Streak.

What better motivation than dozens of strangers seeing your naked body run down a hill?

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About the Author

Elissa Hill

Elissa is a senior public relations major and the managing editor of Onward State. She is from Punxsutawney, PA [insert corny Bill Murray joke here] and considers herself an expert on all things ice cream. Send questions and comments via e-mail ([email protected]) and follow her on Twitter (@ElissaKHill) for more corny jokes.


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