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Overheard On Zoom Lectures

After a week of online learning, we’ve seen the good (being able to go to class in your underwear), the bad (other people going to class in their underwear and forgetting to turn their webcams off), and the ugly (let’s not even go there) of Zoom University.

It’s certainly been a ~learning experience~ for all involved, but it’s also made for some memorable interactions during a time in our college careers and lives that none of us will ever forget.

Members of our staff compiled some of the craziest, most out-of-context things we’ve heard during the past week as students and professors alike adjusted to a world where you dial in to your 200-person lecture hall from bed and religiously make sure your mic is muted. Here’s a few of the best (?) things they heard.

Professor looking out for everyone’s fear of public humiliation: “Please keep your mics muted so that if you rip a big, fat wet one, no one has to know.”

Professor who’s making the most of the situation and trying hard to relate to today’s students: “I’m finally going to be living out my dream of being a Fortnite streamer.”

Some guy who doesn’t realize he isn’t on mute: “What the fuck! What the fuck!”
Professor hoping to maintain a positive learning environment: “Hey! Don’t be rude!”

Dude who puts “5’9″ because apparently that matters” in his Tinder bio in Zoom chat: “If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, I’d be glad to ;)”

Girl who left her mic on and is not a fan of the class: “This is the professor that does that Pictionary shit in class.”

Guy who sincerely asks questions you’ve heard a million times in your life before in Zoom chat: “Dude, is your last name actually Commando? That’s so dope.”

Girl who doesn’t realize she isn’t on mute mid-lecture: “Holy shit. I don’t know what the fuck is happening anymore. She’s just going to have to help me with this.”
Guy in Zoom chat: “Yo calm that sis down.”

Professor on the struggles of working from home: “As your crisis is happening, my kid is pooping on the floor.”

Student: *coughs*
Alarmist professor: “Oh THAT doesn’t sound good!”

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci was once Onward State’s managing editor and preferred walk-on honors student who majored in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected]. All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.

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