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Introducing Penn State Football’s All-Name Team

Skeeter Nichols, Juice Scruggs, and Alex Butterworth.

How have these three former Nittany Lions cemented their legacies as Penn State Football legends?

The answer: They haven’t. What all three do have, however, is absurdly fantastic names.

As Penn State football enters yet another season sporting their traditional nameless uniforms, we decided to take at some of the best names throughout Nittany Lion history.

Head Coach

The Pick: Pop Golden (1900-1902)

Owning a modest 16-12-1 record in three years at the helm of Penn State football, Golden most likely won’t be brought up in the “elite” Penn State coaching conversation.

Good thing wins and losses mean absolutely nothing for this list.

Sounding like it came straight out of a random name generator, Golden’s name blew away all his Penn State head coach predecessors.

Offense

Quarterback

The Pick: Milt Plum (1954-1956)

Quick, to the point, and all business. Two-syllable names stay hot.

Plum’s versatility, along with his phenomenal name, was enough to see him be the second-round draft pick of the Cleveland Browns in 1957.

We’re still wondering how Cleveland let such a great name slip to the second round when its first selection was some generically named running back, Jim Brown.

Running Back

The Pick: Skeeter Nichols (1980-1983)

Ever create your own player on Madden? Well if you did, you would probably name him Skeeter Nichols. It just sounds fast and cool as hell.

Wide Receiver

The Pick: Mac Hippenhammer (2018-2019)

Playing both baseball and football for the Nittany Lions before eventually transferring to Miami (OH), Hippenhammer was a player that sometimes made you wish Penn State had names on the back of its uniforms.

Imagine being a defensive back lined up across from a guy who’s named rolls off the tongue like that. Nightmare fuel!

Tight End

The Pick: Vyto Kab (1978-1981)

Just one year after being drafted 78th overall out of Penn State by the Philadelphia Eagles, Vyto Kab’s dominate blocking ability (and electric name) were enough to land him on the cover of Sports Illustrated in 1982.

Vyto just seems like the name of an angry bulldog to me, and after researching his playstyle, I think the name fits.

Offensive Lineman

The Pick: Juice Scruggs (2018-Current)

We needed to double-take to make sure this wasn’t a name out of a certain Key & Peele skit. Juice Scruggs name sounded gritty. Juice Scruggs name sounded like someone who just puts his head down and gets work done in the trenches.

After learning Scruggs won a share of Scout Team Offensive Player of the Year in 2018, we knew Scruggs lived up to the hype of his name. Utterly nothing screams grit more than scout team.

Defense:

Defensive Line

The Pick: Yetur Gross-Matos (2017-2019)

Anyone else think Gross-Matos sounds like a Pokemon? We’re here for it.

Linebacker

The Pick: Jack Ham (1968-1970)

Penn State football legend and Pro Hall of Fame Linebacker Jack Ham needs no introduction.

Ham’s menacing presence on the field, combined with a name that just oozes hard-nose football, made him a lock for this list.

Defensive Back

The Pick: Stephen Obeng-Agyapong (2011-2013)

The sheer length of Obeng-Agyapong” and the number of times we had to spell check it would have been enough to make the list alone. Combine that with the fact that his first name is as common as “Stephen” makes it that much better for us.

Obeng-Agyapong played during the Bill O’Brian era, which meant we were actually lucky enough to see his last name stretched across the back of his uniform for a few years.

Kicker

The Pick: Massimo Manca (1982-1986)

Alliteration, duh!

Punter

The Pick: Alex Butterworth (2010-2013)

Butterworth was a part of a solid Nittany Lion special team group in 2012. His name was even better than his play.

Who did we miss? Let us know in the comments below.

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About the Author

Jack Fiorille

Jack is a senior hailing from New York majoring in public relations. He is probably the only Indianapolis Colts fan you know. Follow him on twitter @jackfiorille if you don't take life too seriously.

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