Football is finally BACK, baby! But as we’ll soon find out, so is that oh-so-familiar Penn State sports anxiety. Luckily, nature gave us a little something called alcohol to calm our nerves.

The No. 8 Nittany Lions will travel to Bloomington to take on Indiana in the long-anticipated first game of the 2020 season. Although Penn State boasts a 22-1 all-time record against the Hoosiers, they’ve certainly given the Nittany Lions a fair share of close calls over the years. Penn State squeaked out a close victory when the two met at Beaver Stadium last year.

After a long offseason of uncertainty and unanswered questions, it’s hard to predict exactly what we’ll see on the gridiron Saturday. If things get too close for comfort, here’s a guide to help you through the afternoon.

• Take a sip every time the broadcast uses the word “unprecedented.” Take a long sip if they use “in these unprecedented times.”
• Take a shot for every wide shot of the empty stadium.
• Take a sip for every person on the sideline without a mask on.
• Finish your drink if the broadcast plays Micah Parsons highlights.
• Take a sip if a cardboard cutout of a famous person appears on your screen.
• Enjoy a long, long sip if any player gets hurt.
• Take a sip for every dropped pass or missed tackle. The offseason’s been weird, it’s bound to happen!
• Shotgun a beer if they reminisce on the days before the coronavirus
• Finish your drink if the announcers pronounce “Penix Jr.” as “Pee-nix Jr.”
• Take a sip if James Franklin pulls down his mask to yell at his players
• If Penn State loses, consume all alcohol within your reach. It’s gonna be a long season.
• Hell, consume all alcohol within your reach if Penn State wins, too. You deserve it, it’s been a long time coming.

Enjoy football being back and drink within your limits (and within CDC guidelines), Penn Staters!