Screw It: Eric & Molly Barron Now Only Fans Allowed At 2021 Blue-White Game
Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.
Well, folks. You really did it this time.
Following the endless complaints he received on Penn State’s decision to allow only freshmen to attend Penn State football’s final spring practice on Saturday, April 17, Penn State President Eric Barron has made some serious changes.
Barron announced Thursday morning he and his wife, Molly, will be the only fans allowed in Beaver Stadium for the Blue-White-esque event.
“Everyone had some problem with the decision, and frankly, I’m tired of it,” Barron wrote. “I’m retiring in a year. Give me a break. Molly and I are going to enjoy a nice, spring day in the President’s Suite and won’t be bothered by anyone.”
Barron added that parking lots will remain closed and tailgating will not be allowed. However, he and Molly will likely enjoy a couple of games of stump and beer pong before heading into the stadium.
Vice President of Intercollegiate Athletics Sandy Barbour is reportedly “pissed” that she wasn’t included on the invite list, according to a statement obtained by Onward State. Get in line, Sandy.
Along with unlimited food and beverages in the President’s Suite, Barron added that he’ll have the opportunity to take the field at some point during Penn State’s scrimmage. Head coach James Franklin is allotting Barron one snap at any position of his choice, and Barron has reportedly hinted at choosing quarterback.
Franklin already has a quarterback battle to deal with between three gunslingers. Could Barron be next on the list?
Either way, we hope Eric and Molly have a lovely spring Saturday at Beaver Stadium. While students and fans may be upset they won’t get a chance to watch the annual spring practice, it seems fitting that Barron gets a shot to hang out at Beaver Stadium in his penultimate year as the university’s president.
Your ad blocker is on.
Please choose an option below.
Purchase a Subscription!
About the Author
Penn State Residence Life was contacted to assist displaced student residents of the building, according to the dispatch.
Breakups can be hard. Don’t make it worse by ending your relationship in one of these horrible locations on campus.
“I’ll take them all if they’ll help us getting back to normal, if they’ll help me getting back with my family.”
Send this to a friend