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Things That Suck Less Than Ticketmaster’s Tech

For many, Nittany Lion athletics are a core aspect of the Penn State experience. Whether you’re a freshman at your first White Out or an alum who still hunkers down on the couch every Saturday, many Penn Staters would probably say that at least a portion of their happiness is directly correlated with Penn State football.

However, arguably the most painful aspect of the experience is just getting your tickets, or sometimes even accessing them after you’ve bought them. Ticketmaster, the platform used to purchase and manage tickets for Penn State sports, is notorious for its heavily criticized user interface. The site is unnecessarily difficult to use and has more or less screwed over many Penn Staters attempting to get tickets.

So, to really measure how much the Ticketmaster UI sucks, we compiled a list of infamously sucky things that don’t suck nearly as much as Ticketmaster’s UI.

Black Holes

One of the great mysteries of the scientific world, black holes are famous for how much they suck. In fact, they suck so hard that not even light can escape their gravitational pull. A black hole’s surface, properly known as its “event horizon,” is so sucky that “the velocity needed to escape exceeds the speed of light, which is the speed limit of the cosmos,” according to NASA research.

Photo: NASA

Shark Navigator Lift-Away NV352 Vacuum

We all know that vacuums have quite the suck to them — dogs fear them for a reason. However, the Shark Navigator Lift-Away NV352 is no ordinary vacuum. It was rated as the New York Times‘ No. 1 recommendation for best suction on a vacuum, and it received a 4.2/5 on TheSpruce.com, which touted the vacuum’s “powerful suction.” Going above and beyond in all its cleaning duties, the Shark Navigator Lift-Away NV352 Vacuum impresses many, but its level of suck can’t compare to Ticketmaster’s UI.

Photo: The Spruce / Sage McHugh

Buddy the Elf’s Mailroom Tube

New to the world of humans, Buddy the Elf found great joy in all the new things to see and do around him in New York City. Of course, there were some things that buddy found to be particularly interesting, including the suction tube at the Empire State Building mailroom. The tube is very sucky, as Buddy himself went on record saying. With a suction force strong enough to latch on to Buddy’s head, we would have been a cotton-headed ninny muggins to leave this item off of this list.

Photo: Elf (2003)

Sharknado

Sure, a tornado has some pull to it, but come on, folks. We’re talking about a Sharknado here. This has got some major suck to it, enough to contain its own small ecosystem of aquatic life and contain that ecosystem within the bounds of the funnel cloud itself. Wreaking havoc on the world not once, not twice, but six times, the Sharknado has some incredible suck to it. More powerful than almost any standard tornado you can think of, the Sharknado had to make this list, but even the pull required to contain all those sharks isn’t close to how bad Ticketmaster’s UI sucks.

Sharknado' is absurd, so let's look back at its hilarious origin story -  The Washington Post
Sharknado 3 (2015)

However, even though Ticketmaster was able to out-suck all of these suction behemoths, the user interface can’t suck more than everything, which is why I have to remind you of at least one thing that manages to suck more than Ticketmaster’s interface.

Things That *Do*, In Fact, Suck More Than Ticketmaster’s User Interface

Michigan.

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About the Author

Mikey DeAngelis

As well as being a contributor to Onward State, Mikey DeAngelis is also the creator of the Mad About Disney YouTube channel and an aspiring filmmaker. Mikey loves Philly sports, traveling and hiking in National Parks, and watching movies. To reach Mikey, feel free to reach out on Twitter (@mikey_deangelis) or by email ([email protected]).

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