On Wednesday, James Franklin canceled practice for the Nittany Lions and ushered the team into the Bryce Jordan Center for a game of laser tag. Franklin’s atypical post-practice press conference was held in the bowels of the stadium in the BJC green room. Let’s just say things got weird…quick.

Franklin talked about Caziah Holmes and Ken Talley’s departures, the middle linebacker competition, buzz among the true freshmen, and his Starbucks order (?).

“I just started drinking coffee a few years ago, and my coffee is essentially an ice cream sundae,” Franklin said. “So, I’m not gonna sit here and say it because it’s not a good look.”

Why so secretive, James? The man has a bald head and an unranked football team, yet he’s embarrassed about his Starbucks order. It must be really bad.

So, what is Franklin’s go-to Starbies order? Our staffers weighed in on the pressing matter.

Annie Kubiak: Double Chocolatey Chip Crème Frappuccino

This drink is essentially chocolate chips and chocolate sauce blended with milk and ice, which is about as close to an ice cream sundae as you can get. It was my middle school self’s go-to drink when my mom dropped me off at the mall with my friends. I doubt even James Franklin can resist a sweet treat like this.

Anna Wiggins: Coffee Grounds

Rather than taking his cup of joe in a liquid state, I believe James Franklin much rather prefers the gritty crunch of some coffee grounds. As the head coach of an unranked college football team, there are a lot of things James Franklin simply doesn’t have time for. Why wait for your coffee to be made or wait for it cool down to the optimal drinking temperature? Plus, the solid state of the grounds doubles as breakfast, killing numerous birds with one stone for CJF.

Just grab a fist full of grounds and shove it into your mouth for an instant kick of energy. None of this complicated “iced sweet cream cold foam shaken espresso Frappuccino” nonsense — just run the damn ball, essentially.

Keeley Lamm: Caramel Macchiato

James Franklin is absolutely a caramel macchiato man. Simple, sweet, and almost a sundae. Maybe he adds some sweet cream cold foam or even a little whipped cream after a win on gameday. However, whipped cream is only for winners. 1-0, baby.

Colleen Nersten: Pinkity Drinkity

This isn’t a joke. I am confident Franklin’s daughter introduced him to ~The Pink Drink~ in 2017 when it debuted on the Starbucks menu. The time frame adds up, as he started drinking “coffee” a “few” years ago. Secretly he prays that his daughter will ask him to hit up the North Atherton Starbucks every week to get his succulent coconut milk acai beverage. Be true to yourself, Jimbo.

I need a pinkity drinkity in my life right now

— James Charles (@jamescharles) January 26, 2018

Larkin Richards: Glass Of Water With Extra Ice

James Franklin. A man of the people. Would we ever expect our renowned coach to put such artificial sugar into his system? Absolutely not. He has ice in his veins. He wants a classic, simple life. Hydration is his passion. Hydration is key. Water is the only way he can achieve it. James needs to lead by example and be ready to start the day. He is caffeine. He has to provide for the team.

Because of that, we can’t expect sweet foam in his bloodstream. Instead, just nutritious water with ice. But not just some ice…extra ice. It’s that dawg in him. Don’t even expect black coffee. He walks into Starbucks prepared to order the largest water he can get. Don’t underestimate James Franklin.

Mackenna Yount: Trenta TikTok Frappucino

James would surely have an over-the-top Starbucks order. We’re talking a trenta size of one of those TikTok frappuccino monstrosities, and he’d be the type to order it at 7 a.m. Sorry coach, but you’re probably a nightmare in the drive-thru lane.

Grace Cunningham: One (1) Birthday Cake Pop

James Franklin gets one singular birthday cake pop because he prefers to start off every day with a little celebration. Some men stay away from pink, but not CJF. Pink is his favorite color. When he’s done with the cake pop, he eats the stick, too.

Mikey DeAngelis: A Glass Of Warm Milk

Being the coach of a nationally renowned football program is stressful, and when James Franklin walks into a Starbucks, I bet he doesn’t want a coffee to amp him up too much. Rather, he reaches for a nice, soothing glass of warm milk to help him relieve some stress before heading back to the facility to watch some film.

Gabe Angieri: Triple Espresso

There’s no doubt in my mind that James Franklin is a HUGE espresso guy. As a big espresso guy myself, it’s easy for me to sniff out a fellow fan. Heck, he’s even tweeted about it in the past.

It's amazing what 6 hours of sleep & a triple shot of expresso can do to your morning! Let's goooooooo, #WeAre
So proud to represent PSU!

— James Franklin (@coachjfranklin) January 26, 2015

It’s pretty fraudulent for him to call it “expresso”, but that’s a conversation for another time.