As the Happy Valley Comic and Collectibles Convention took State College comic fans by storm this weekend, we saw this as the perfect opportunity to bring back Onward State’s beloved “Drunk, Sober, High” series.

Three lucky staffers willingly got drunk, high, or stayed sober for the entertaining event. Below are their recollections, or lack thereof, of the occasion.

Drunk

Happy Valley Comic Con. What a time.

After spending the weekend participating in State Patty’s festivities, pregaming for the comic con at 11 a.m. definitely wasn’t the most ideal. However, I rallied and fought my raging hangover.

Sober came over to my apartment in the late morning and the fun began. I had a few shots before Sober arrived, took a few more when they got to my place, and then downed the piss-colored mixed drink I brought on the road.

I’m not going to lie — I have absolutely no recollection of how Sober and I got to the comic con or the first half an hour. The only thing I remember is when we first arrived, there was a mini Kylo Ren and a big Kylo Ren chilling by the entrance. At first, I thought I was tripping, but then I realized we were at a comic con filled with excited and invested fans. The duo kicked off my comic con experience to a great start, at least what I remember of it.

Once we circled the venue and actually started interacting with vendors, I started to feel overwhelmed with excitement from the energy each comic con-goer brought to the Nittany Valley Sports Centre.

We checked out a bunch of really cool booths with some vendors who had wholesome background stories. If only I remembered them.

I became fascinated with a booth that was selling what I thought were hard drugs. Turns out it was a bunch of crystals and fake mini plants for Dungeon and Dragons players to build their world with.

After that, we were summoned by this pretty cool guy, Jay the Teller, the writer and creator of the “2-Land” comics. At his booth, there was a huge mascot of the comic’s superhero propped right next to a huge banner. I was pretty freaked out at first because I thought it was furry. Luckily, it was just the tiger superhero of my dreams, dreadlocks and all.

High then became mesmerized by the booth selling hot sauce. The three of us tried the hot sauce it had to offer, which made my mouth burn up. Still, Sober and I ended up walking away with a bottle of our own.

Shortly after, I stopped by the restroom to throw up. Luckily, I ended up rallying and no toilet was gifted with my bodily fluids, however, it was a close one.

Once I got done dry heaving, I got some fries and met up with Sober and High. They were watching mega Spider-Man fan, Bruce Wechtenhiser, share his experience and personal connection with the beloved neighborhood superhero. Wechtenhiser was a pretty cool dude and managed to bring out my inner child since I grew up reading Spider-Man comics and playing with Spider-Man LEGOS.

After the panel, we ventured off to find more cool booths. Our next stop was Penn State’s very own All-Sports Museum. There, we learned about its newest exhibits. High and I even got to cosplay as Penn State football players. I was on top of the world until I got stuck in the shoulder pads and needed both Sober and High to pry them off of me.

The rest of the comic con was filled with sword fights between the three of us, High getting chased around by a Star Wars drone, and several more trips to the bathroom due to several “close calls.”

After my final trip to the bathroom, I joined Sober and High, who just bought some food at the snack bar.

“I haven’t had a soda in so long,” High said. “Nothing like a nice cock. I mean Coke.”

We ended our day on a high note, listening to Australian actress Gigi Edgley, most famous for her work on “Farscape,” “Star Trek Continues,” and “Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge.”

This woman quickly became the love of both mine and High’s life. I’m not sure if it was her thick Aussie accent or her vibrant presence, but either way, High and I were locked in.

Although she made the most eye contact with High during her panel, which I definitely wasn’t jealous of, she commented on my sunglasses before she began. I blushed.

Fascinated by her experience in the industry, I searched her up on Google, only to find her OnlyFans, which left us flabbergasted yet intrigued.

Invested and inspired by High’s future wife, we set off to find Edgley and introduce ourselves before we left the convention. Once we found Edgley back at her booth, High was hardcore fangirling, while I was still too drunk to process what was happening. Our interaction with her was priceless. Edgley was both humble and comical and brightened all of our days. We even snagged a picture with her, which made our day even better.

Overall, Happy Valley Comic Con was quite something. I felt giddy and childlike again, not just because I was hammered. Sober and High were great company and kept the comic con entertaining. Maybe next year I’ll go back sober.

I think it’s safe to say that Sober, High, and I made comic con our b*tch.

Sober

I was genuinely so excited to go to Happy Valley Comic Con. I have had my fair share of moments where I “geeked out,” and this was definitely one of them.

After our Uber dropped us off, Drunk and I met with High at the entrance of the complex. Regarding anime or gaming conventions, I’ve heard plenty of warnings about close quarters, limited fresh air, and thick B.O. that sticks to a stuffy climate. On the contrary, the setting was nice and open with high ceilings and wide walkways between booths. It was also medium-busy with a wide range of ages dispersed through the crowd.

The three of us couldn’t pre-order tickets so we had to stop by a table near the door to buy passes. A police officer greeted us with some small talk when we were in line, which most likely made Drunk and High not super comfortable.

Once inside, we did a little loop around the outer ring of booths. Most of the booths were selling comic books, Pokémon cards, and posters belonging to various fandoms. At the time, I also learned that Drunk and High weren’t the most knowledgeable of nerdy stuff, with High even saying, “this is probably what people who don’t like sports feel like when they go into a stadium.” There were even booths with replica swords, which I promptly knighted Drunk with.

One of the first booths that caught our attention (really, we caught theirs) was “2-Land” Comics. The star of the show was a giant statue of “D.R.I.P.,” an anthropomorphic tiger superhero. Ironically, just five minutes before, Drunk mentioned that they would leave if they saw a real-life furry. D.R.I.P. was created to teach elementary and middle school students lessons like maintaining friendships and staying away from drugs.

I’d like to add that the guy who ran the booth, writer Jason Lewis, got High’s attention first and conversed with them the most. The level of eye contact between High and the booth owner was crazy, and my face physically hurt from the giggles I had to keep in. I did genuinely enjoy 2-Land Comics’ vision and love the comic’s design. It was just hard to be serious when High was being unknowingly told to their face not to do drugs. This interaction worked though, and High walked away after purchasing a comic book featuring the striped hero.

Another notable booth was HotHeads Hot Sauce. High walked over first, immediately drawn to the table and the signs that showed their hot sauce being used on Sean Evans’ show, “Hot Ones”. The three of us tried the “Lemon Drop Pop!” hot sauce, and both Drunk and I bought some. During our purchase, High mentioned how they wanted to watch season 16 where the sauce was featured.

The last notable activity was the main stage in the front. After I got a personal pizza, High got mozzarella sticks, and Drunk got fries (all pretty decent), we sat and munched in front of the stage and were introduced to Gigi Edgley. Edgley’s most notable work was her acting in “Farscape,” an early 2000s sci-fi drama. Edgley was delightful and very charming. She talked about her current singing career and what she’s done after “Farscape.”

High was in love with Edgley. Absolutely down atrocious. I’ve never seen someone listen so attentively. Edgley even blew a kiss to the crowd and High snatched it out of the air. We stopped by Edgley’s booth at the end, had some small talk, and took some pictures, which made High’s day.

The event was super fun, and I got some Pokémon-themed accessories along with my hot sauce. I would totally go to Happy Valley Comic Con next year, and I also enjoyed educating my fellow staffers on Pokémon and anime.

9/10. Need more video games.

High

My experience started off with a bang when my Uber driver moved the passenger seat up to give me more legroom. Shoutout to him for that kind and unspoken gesture.

I was the first to arrive at the Nittany Valley Sports Centre, and I was honestly shocked by how full the parking lot was. Soon enough, I was met by Drunk and Sober and after a quick, “Hello,” we were off on our adventure.

The first thought that ran into my head was how massive this venue was. Even further, how massive this comic con was.

I had a quick moment with Drunk after we got in and we both questioned what we got ourselves into. After a nervous laugh, Sober joined us, and we traveled into the abyss.

I’ll be honest. I’m not into this world. So, I was scared at first. I remember just feeling so out of place, but then I remembered that I was fried. At that point, I suggested we start talking to these booths. I had to know more.

At that very moment, I heard “No Role Modelz” instrumental playing through a speaker. Yes. J. Cole was playing at a comic con. Anyways, I traveled toward the beat and was met by a man named Jay the Teller.

Now, Jay had an amazing story. He likes to go to schools around America and promote positive messages to the youth. During the pandemic, he was unable to get into schools. So instead, he made a comic book. That isn’t only one of the dopest things you will ever see, but it’s also teaching young kids about real-life issues.

One of those issues was to prevent young kids from drugs. Mind you, I’m medicated standing right next to this guy.

Anyway, I bought editions one and two from him. I didn’t even think I’d spend money, but Jay got me, man. Go get yourself a copy of “2-Land.”

Anywho, after this, we continued walking. I remember making it to the very back corner of the venue and there was just a makeshift tattoo parlor. I tried to convince Drunk to get a tat, but it didn’t happen.

At this point, I could tell Sober was more into this world than I was. That made me feel at peace. I felt like I had an ally in the land, and I was free to submerge myself into the unthreaded territory.

We all kinda just went and did our own browsing when we were in the middle. We did try some hot sauce, which was banging. One of their sauces made it on “Hot Ones,” so that was wicked.

We then reconvened and Drunk said they were hungry. I was also hungry, but on our way toward food, some guy in a Spider-Man shirt was talking on stage.

I love Spider-Man. So, I sit down and I listen to this guy speak. This man has been collecting, researching, and cosplaying Spider-Man for 55 years. He’s known as the Jonestown Spider-Man.

Drunk came back with their fries and started cheering, and Spider-Man was loving it.

After that, we did some more browsing. We saw the NCAA wrestling National Championship trophy, fought each other with foam swords, and talked to more and more people.

Eventually, Sober and I went to get some food. I just got mozzarella sticks, and Sober got a personal pizza. I wish I got the ’za.

Underwhelmed by the sticks, I look up on the stage and see the most beautiful woman in my life: Gigi Edgley.

It felt like everything was blurred around this woman and the only thing I could see was her. Edgley is a performer, entertainer, mother, actress, and singer. She literally does it all. To top it off, she’s from Australia.

I don’t know if it was the accent, or the weed, or the fact that I haven’t felt a warm embrace in months, but I had the hots for Edgley. I made my interest known to Drunk and Sober, and they laughed.

After her talk, she blew a kiss, and I made sure to snatch it and save it in my pocket for later. But then, she was gone…

During my walk of never getting to see Edgley again, Drunk and Sober told me that she walked right by them and said I could go to her booth and talk to her.

Here was my chance. I walk up to her booth, introduce myself, and I’m feeling good. Unfortunately, my brain was still slow, and I just got flustered in front of her.

I managed to rebound after I signed up for her newsletter. She then showed us some of the tattoos she got while at comic con and we shared some fierce eye contact. We then got to take a *FREE* picture with her.

I ended it with a hug goodbye, and it was an “Until next time, my little love.” (Drunk and Sober will get that one.) And just like that, we were out of there.

I fell in love at a comic con. I’ll never forget you, Gigi. 10/10 would do it again, but only if Gigi is a guest speaker. #Hashtag.