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Penn State-Themed Fantasy Football Punishments

Happy Valley is a college football mecca, meaning Penn Staters go crazy for fantasy football, too.

You can count on the blue and white faithful to take Saquon Barkley at RB1, reach for Chris Godwin in the third round, and score Sean Clifford with the final pick. It’s simply the road map for those of us who want to reminisce about our favorite players’ glory days while watching a professional game.

We figured it was time to incorporate more Nittany Lion pride into the league itself. If you and your league-mates are struggling to find a unique punishment for your last-place manager, don’t worry. We’ve come up with a few helpful suggestions for you to consider at the draft table.

Put In A Shift On The White Loop

The White Loop is the true melting pot of Penn State. It’s a magical, awkward environment where upperclassmen, grad students, and even townies share air and sit in silence on their commute around campus and downtown. It also could be a raucous sea of freshmen with suspiciously clinking backpacks on their way to a party where they definitely know a guy. Most of the time, though, it’s both. It’ll be your league loser’s punishment to put in the hours and witness the diversity of Penn State firsthand.

The challenge will see your league mate circle State College on the Whoop. It’s just like a rollercoaster, but worse. Preferably, they’ll sit toward the middle of the bus and we’ll let them have a window. They’re going to want it because we believe that eight hours of continuous riding is a fair time frame, but feel free to adjust it to your liking.

If you’re wondering about bathroom breaks, it’s simple. Just go when the driver goes! Finally, we recommend a snack to keep your loser happy and healthy and leave it up to your league to decide if headphones are legal or not.

Become The Carnegie Preacher For A Day

The Willard Preacher is a part of the Penn State mythos we’re lucky enough to witness every day. If you lose your league, it’ll be time to break out your own sermon. Feel free to pick a comfortable spot on campus, but the Carnegie steps are a great location for foot traffic and voice projection over the crowd.

Sure, you could talk about religion. However, we think this punishment is best when you preach about the failures of your running back or the pitfalls of streaming quarterbacks.

Pollock Commons Overnight Challenge

Remember that one time you locked yourself out of your dorm room after a shower and your roommate wasn’t home to let you in? That happened to you guys, too, right? Either way, your loser will be in a slightly worse scenario because they can’t ask the Commons Desk for a spare key. Allow us to introduce the Pollock Commons Overnight challenge.

Park yourself in the game room and prepare to memorize the Dance Dance Revolution soundtrack because you’ll be stuck there all night. Remember to bring all the food you need before the market closes at midnight.

Waffle Shop Waffle House Challenge

You know the Waffle House challenge. Yeah, that one. It’s been a staple of fantasy leagues for years now. The participant is subjected to 24 hours in the establishment with the option to eat a waffle and deduct an hour from the clock. This then begs the question, how willing are you to eat another waffle to reduce your sentence?

Picture this at The Original Waffle Shop. Depending on how busy the establishment is, request the window seat at the downtown location for easy walk-by gawking at the loser. Your league may opt to reduce the typical 24-hour punishment to accommodate operating hours. Plus, the Waffle Shop waffles are a lot bigger than those at the House.

Play An Instrument Outside East Halls…At 6 p.m.

Twerk Circle 2020. Twerk Circle 2021.

East Halls have a storied history of musical performance. Now it’s the loser’s turn to make their mark on East Hall’s music scene. They’ll bring a guitar, caj√≥n, keyboard, or tin whistle and set up outside the commons to give their classmates a show. We know you’re not all musicians, so we’ll only make you play for an hour. If you really can’t play anything other than hot cross buns, sing some karaoke instead.

For maximum visibility, this challenge should be completed during dinner hours. Who doesn’t like dinner and a show? This one might be evil, but if you and your league are hardcore, this may be the punishment to pick.

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About the Author

Jack Scott

Jack is a junior industrial engineering major from Pittsburgh, PA. Sometimes, he enjoys the misunderstanding of his friends and family that Penn State Club Ski Racing may be a D1 sport and usually won't correct them. Jack is way too into Thundercat for his own good. Follow him on Twitter @joscottIV and Instagram @jackscott._iv

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