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Things That Would Get Your ‘Penn State Card’ Revoked

Life is good as a Penn Stater.

I mean, it has some serious perks. Nittany Lions have a selection of top-notch majors to study, 31 varsity sports to cheer for, and a historically prestigious alumni base to connect with. However, with these benefits comes great responsibility.

It’s necessary to uphold the Penn State name. People look to you to start the We Are chant. You’re the one folks ask for Happy Valley restaurant suggestions. You can’t forget that you attend Ty Burrell’s alma mater.

It’s important to be your Penn State best, and one small mistake may call your student title into question.

To help avoid drastic measures, we’ve compiled a list of Penn State faux pas that, if carried out, may stop you from being a true Penn State student.

Sitting Down In The Student Section

Penn State is a sports school. It’s no question. You either went here because you like sports or you’re a developing fan who’s going to be bleeding blue by the UMass game.

It’s an honor to get your hands on coveted student season tickets that open the doors to Beaver Stadium on fall Saturdays, so don’t squander your opportunity just because you chose appearance over practicality. Wear the comfortable shoes, stand up, get a chicken basket, and show your pride.

Raising Your Hand In Thomas 100

This may be a little specific, but most, if not all students have had at least one class in the enormous lecture hall located in the Thomas Building.

Housing 726 students, this is a textbook lecture hall. Not a Socratic seminar hall. No one, even the professor, cares about your personal story that only somewhat relates to the current slide. And if you have any questions, most professors stay and chat. There’s a time and a place for everything, so don’t be that person.

Crossing In Front Of The Catabus

Maybe more literal than metaphorical, if you’re crossing in front of the Bloop or Whoop during peak class times, you’re asking for a death wish.

Yes, you might have the walk sign, but it’s no match to a Catabus driver’s determination, which is only ever fueled by loud students and grid-locked traffic. God forbid you jaywalk in front of one of those tanks, you might get your Penn State card revoked and tossed into an early grave.

Drinking Anything Other Than A Dirty Sprite At Champs

A sickly sweet State College staple, the grape-flavored drink is a must at every bar crawl or Arts Fest visit. Not only do you get a flavorful refreshment, but you also get a novelty Champs cup. Not to mention the iconic bucket. Skip the vodka crans and Miller Lites, and share a bucket with your buddies. Do this, and you’re definitely Penn State material.

Sneaking An Opposing Student Into The Student Section

Whether they’re in Penn State colors or not, Beaver Stadium is a sanctuary that shouldn’t be defiled by rival stench. Not only is the task strenuous, but often useless with the student section turning into a full-blown witch hunt looking for the invaders.

Lions have an incredibly good sense of smell, and Penn State students will sniff your shit out. No fraternizing with the enemy.

Your Favorite Meal Is Grilled Chicken Thigh Halal

No, because actually what the hell. There really was never a better option?

Disliking The Creamery

A must-see stop for student tours, and a mandatory building for food science students, the Berkey Creamery is a crucial piece of the Penn State ecosystem.

Whether you need a reward for an aced test, a remedy for your sick roommate, or a midday pick-me-up, take advantage of the iconic dessert right at your fingertips. If you’re lactose intolerant, improvise, adapt, and overcome.

Complaining About The Snow

With a location in the valleys of Appalachia, State College is no stranger to sub-30 temperatures and blankets of snow. Neither should you be. This isn’t Florida State or the University of Arizona. Cold comes with the territory.

Instead, ski at Tussey Mountain or participate in the fun on the rare snow days we have. Join in on the HUB snowball fight, turn your dorm closet door into a sled, or ride move-in carts down the icy streets safely.

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About the Author

Marie Moyer

Marie is a fourth-year student majoring in journalism and minoring in sociology. She loves being fiscally irresponsible at local farmers markets, watching niche documentaries on HBO, and going to Penn State hockey games as "self-care." You can reach her on Instagram - @_mariemoyer_ or send her suggestions (and cat photos) via her email - [email protected].

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