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Things Faster Than OPP’s THON Zambonis

Remember folks, the turtle beat the hare.

Speed isn’t always key. If OPP’s Zambonis rushed their cleaning of the floor, the floor wouldn’t get cleaned nearly enough. Despite that, there’s no denying the Zambonis move pretty slowly.

To put things into perspective, we’ve compiled a list of things that are faster than the THON Zambonis. Let’s take a look.


Snails get a bad rap for being notoriously slow, but I bet if you put them head-to-head in a race with the THON Zambonis, they’d give the Zambonis a run for their money.

The Movement of the Continents

The continents move about 0.6 inches per year. If you convert that into miles per hour, that’s about 0.0000000012 mph. This is only slightly faster than the Zambonis.

Penn State Football’s National Championship Effort

Penn State hasn’t sniffed a national championship in almost 40 years, but it’s hard to calculate the exact rate at which they’re progressing. It doesn’t seem like they’re making much progress, though.

Still, they may win a national championship before the Zambonis can make a complete lap of the Bryce Jordan Center floor.

Flash the Sloth from “Zootopia”

Flash… the… sloth… from… the… movie… “Zootopia”… is… known… for… how… fast… he… is.

An Intense Game of Monopoly

Many people don’t like to play the classic board game Monopoly because of how long it takes. However, I’d argue that even the most arduous and intense game of Monopoly is faster than the Zambonis.

The Hour Hand of a Clock

The hour hand of a clock rotates 30 degrees every hour, so it’s safe to say it’s still significantly faster than the Zambonis that are cleaning the floor at THON.

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About the Author

Mikey DeAngelis

Mikey DeAngelis is a junior majoring in film production who is also serving as one of Onward State's visual editors. During his free time, he enjoys making content for his YouTube channel. Mikey loves Philly sports, traveling and hiking in National Parks, and watching movies. To reach Mikey, feel free to reach out on Twitter (@mikey_deangelis) or by email ([email protected]).

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